Conversations

At my job, we pride ourselves on going out of our way for our customers, really showing them that they matter, but there are some boundaries one simply cannot cross. What you are about to read is a conversation, rather humorous, that I held with one of the Ethanol Plant workers as we cashed their pay checks yesterday afternoon.

Ethanolee: I didn't see you last week. I thought you left for the weekend. I would like to see you everyday.

Me: *hesitation* Every day...You would like to see me every day?

Ethanolee: Yeah, I want to see you every day...*pause* *check cashing going on* Do you have to work tomorrow?

Me: *weirded out* Yes, I have to work tomorrow.

Ethanolee: So, do you need something to do tomorrow night?

Me: Uummm... Nooo...I will be doing homework tomorrow night. I'm a college student.

Ethanolee: Oooh...A college student? *suddenly more interested* *pause* So, you live in...*hands open wide to signify the bank?*

Me: The area? Yes, I live in the area.

Ethanolee: So you are from this town?

Me: Yes, I live in this town...

Ethanolee: Oh, good. So will you give me your phone number?

Me: *no words* *face turning red* *fifteen other ethanol plant workers behind this guy* *I shake my head to signify no* *all other ethanolees laugh at this guy*

Ethanolee: Damn! *not meanly, just a signal of defeat*

*Ethanolee turns around to speak Spanish to his buddies in line and not two minutes later turns around to talk to me again.*

Ethanolee: So you said 217-what?

Me: *laughing at this point* I didn't say anything. I'm not giving you my number.

My Boss: What are you doing over here?

Me: *still laughing* Nothing.

My Boss: Well, we've already had Pedro, so we're good.

*Pedro was the first guy to ask me for my number and proceeded to make hints that he wanted me to call him. He finally gave up...so sad, but I think he has moved on to the new teller. ;) She already stole one of the other girls' "special guys." I will gladly let her have a few of these, too*

Me: Uuummm...Maybe not so much.

*we both laugh at this point*

*I give ethanolee his money*

Ethanolee: Thank you, baby.

*Me more red than the million stop signs in our tiny town*

Me: *laughing* Have a nice weekend.

You have to admit it is hilarious. Let me add that this particular Ethanolee is not one of those tall, dark and handsome Latin Americans. He is a short, middle ager that is kind of round. I get a kick out of these guys, but it's all in good fun. Next time, I am going to give him a number, though. That number is going to be the number of Big T. We have already talked it over, and if one of the guys actually has the guts to call, I am dying to hear their reaction when they hear Big T's voice on the other line. ;)

Remember to laugh at yourself once in awhile.

And the Total is...

Ok ladies! I know you are all just on the edges of your seats waiting to hear about how much money we raised, so I will end the suspense. ;) We had a pretty good turnout, but you can definitely tell that high school kids don't have jobs and that those who do are clinging to their money for fear that this recession will get worse... That part is the part that is really making me sad right now.

We made $232.00!!!! I am so excited that people liked our bracelets enough to buy them. It is such a good feeling to make something with your own two hands and watch people as they actually enjoy it.

Anyway, like I said, I am a little sad that people have to hold so tightly to their money right now that they cannot even look out for their fellow man....WO-man. We have 72 bracelets left, and that is an excellent amount to do another sale. If we don't actually sell them ourselves, we will be donating them to a friend's Relay for Life team to sell for their funds. Either way, it is all going to the same cause. I am so glad to be apart of it, and that smile I was talking about earlier, the one that is bigger than you could ever imagine, I feel my mom smiling that at me right now.

I am crying but that is because I can feel her all around me right now. I feel her warm hugs and see her sparkling brown eyes as she smiles proudly at me....Oh goodness! I am listening to my personalized radio station on Yahoo!, and a song by Seal just came on. My mom loved Seal. Weird...I love you too, Mommy! I miss you, and I will do whatever I can to make you proud.

Goodnight, all!

Bracelets as Far as the Eye Can See...

No! I am not avoiding my homework! How dare you say that! If I were avoiding my homework, would I have my book open right next to me on this couch with my notebook sitting right next to it with three lines of notes written on it since around 9 am today? How about the bag of bracelets at the end of the couch? If I were avoiding my homework, don't you think I would have just snapped about 15 pictures of all those bracelets? Oh.....wait.....maybe I just....Ok! Shut up! I am avoiding my homework, but that is only because I am just soooo excited about selling bracelets tonight! I can't wait! My sister (Momma B), her young daughter A, and our friend Keekee have been making bracelets for a week or two and have made at least 13o bracelets! We are selling them at a girl's basketball game tonight for breast cancer reasearch, and we really hope to raise a minimum of $400. I think we can do this, and I am also really excited to hear the feedback of people about our bracelets.

At the beginning of this process, I really could not get into it, but then, my trusty older sister so wisely noted, "You have boobs! You should care about this!" ;) She is grrrrreat! Ha! Anyway, after I got started, I just felt more and more happy about it. I am very sad that I don't have my Mommy around anymore, but it seriously makes me so absolutely elated to know that I am helping to save someone else's Mommy, even if that person is a 40 year old woman losing her 65 year old mom. No one should have to lose their Mommy to cancer, or anyone they know to cancer. Cancer Sucks!! I'll be the first to tell you that, but channelling that hatred into creative energy to make masses of bracelets is making me so happy. I know my mom would love the bracelets, though she would say she was never going to wear it so there was no point to pay for it. Debbie Downer! Haha, I can say that now, Mom, and you can't come get me! I did dream that my apartment was haunted by six demons and the sweetest little girl last night. I had to save her by getting all the demons out. It was very scary....Anyway! I know you are all dying to see some of these pics, so here they are!

I personally love the bangles. They are not true bangles because they have ends instead of being a continuous circle, but they are so fun! I can't wait to get selling! Wish us luck, and take time to remember all the happy moments with your lost loved ones. I know it hurts, but just remember how happy and healthy they are now! Imagine your loved one with the brightest smile you have ever seen, and that is how they are looking every day now. They love you even more for letting them leave this world and go on to something so much better than we can even imagine. :)

Sentimental

I started a blog a little while ago because I was overwhelmed with sadness and I couldn't figure out why. Big surprise, though. I just didn't want to figure out why. Then, as if God saw my sadness and wanted to give me a little push to deal with it instead of ignore it, Big T came into the living room, kissed me, and sat down next to me. He asked me what was wrong, and I started to cry. Before I go on, I need to say something because it is very important for me to say this. I used to have times like this, and I'm sure there will be more times like this where I just miss my mom. However, this time, I knew that saying I missed my mom would just be a cop out. Today, I was sad because I had been bitingly rude to Big T, and he didn't deserve it at all. I had called him on the way home from my sister's house and asked him what he was up to. He said he was going to his buddy's house, and instantly, I shut him out. Lately, all of our arguments have been about him being gone all the time. This time, though, he was just going over there because I wasn't home. Anyway, he had already told me there was a movie coming on tonight that he wanted to watch, but in my selfish (nooooo! not me! *sarcasm*) ways, I had expected him to drop his plans and watch a movie with me tonight. I completely flipped on him and started rambling on about how I was sorry I wanted to hang out with him and sorry I wanted to watch a movie with him and sorry I wanted him at home tonight and I just hoped he had fun at his buddy's house, even though he hadn't even left for his buddy's house.

Yesterday was wonderful, truly wonderful. I have come to understand that I am really sad to see this weekend end because I am afraid that yesterday was just a fleeting day in the wind. We went to Hobby Lobby, and I got $50.00 in credit. I got more yarn to make more socks and baby hats. I got a scrapbook album to scrapbook my holiday pictures in. I also got some more glass beads to make bracelets for a breast cancer research fundraiser I am participating in on Thursday this week. We spent quite a long time in Hobby Lobby, and the whole time, Big T was just walking around with me, browsing with me, talking with me, and laughing with me. He didn't complain once. When he got bored, he just wondered around a bit and found me wherever he assumed I'd be next. He just let me wonder, and when we left, I had spent more money than I intended, but I was so content. I am feeling very sentimentally attached to yesterday because it is the first time in a long time that I experienced those reasons I fell head over heels for Big T. He is observant, laid back, comfortable in his skin, funny, a wonderful listener, and my cosmic balance. I am a list maker, high strung, oblivious, self-conscious, and a jumper to conclusions. We do something special for each other.

Anyway, after that, we went to Borders, one of our local bookstores. It's part of a chain, so I'm sure others of you have heard of it. We browsed for books, and I didn't find the one I had been looking for, the one called "Love as a Way of Life." I figure I'll just order it from a neighboring town's library or borrow it from the friend that recommended it. We both found a few things we wanted to sit down with, though, and we headed to the cafe and got drinks. Big T likes to read, but he doesn't do it much at home, usually only when we go to the bookstore. I love how we can just pick to of the big comfy chairs and sit next to each other reading and sipping our drinks, though. There is something so peaceful and romantic about not having to say anything to each other. Just being close is enough to bring contentment.

On a side note, I have to tell you fellow knitter/crocheters about the book I found. It is called "Hooked on Murder," and it is a crochet mystery. There were also knitting mysteries. This book is sort of a comedic twist on a murder mystery, and though I have only read through the first chapter, it has me hooked. (haha, I did not even mean to make that pun. sorry for the hint of lameness that just showed through.) The very first page sets the murder scene, but it's not a creepy murder scene. The added bonus of crochet makes it humorous. If anyone wants to know the publisher, I will be glad to share it with you. I'm sure it will be a good read, and the best part is it was cheap. It's a paperback, (my personal favorite because you can bend the binding and really get that sophisticated reader look when your book is all tattered from how much use it got) and it was only six or seven dollars. The book also came with a free recipe for butter cream icing (it fits in the story, but to find out how, you'll just have to pick it up) and a free pattern for a granny square. It's a nice, cozy little package, if you ask me.

We also ventured to Micheal's for a knitting/crocheting accessory that I really wanted to try out. Others of you may not be insanely impressed, but because I own a cat, I think it is fantastic. It is basically a cylindrical tube with clear plastic that you stick your yarn balls in. It has a grommet hole on each end for your yarn to feed through, and your yarn ball never comes undone, rolls off the seat or your lap onto the floor of the SUV you happen to be riding in ;), or gets tangled. I am a fool for convenience when it comes to tangled yarn! After Michael's, it was off to Wal-mart for a few groceries and, you'll never guess, some knitting looms for Big T! He has made two hats of his own so far and is working on a third as we speak. He makes hints every so often that we should sell hats, but I don't care about money. I care about the people I make the hats for, and he does too. He's giving one to one of his best friends, and he helped me pick out some yarn for a mutual friend of ours that would like a hat. He even offered to make it for me if I didn't have the time. It is wonderful to have something we can do together.

We didn't watch the movie we were going to last night, either. Instead, we hung out with friends and my two brothers. I finished my blue fuzzy loom socks and gave them to Momma B's husband today. He says they look weird, but that didn't stop him from wearing them all day and making sure his daughter saw them. Momma B says he is all about comfort and function in the house, but outside of the house he is about how things look. He had to give me a hard time about them, or it wouldn't have been him. It just shows me he really likes them. :) I have already started my next pair, but I can't talk about those just yet. ;)

Anyway, I know this blog is extra long, but I really just wanted to reassure all of you that my day went so great yesterday. It's a hard thing to explain, love, but I feel warm, comfortable, intensely happy, beautiful, peaceful, and safe. There are many other things I feel, but I think that list is concise and best describes the way I feel about Big T. I am so glad to have a man that does not run scared every time I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. He didn't run after my mom died, and though Big T only got to know my mom for six months before she died, I think she knew he was the one. I think it made it easier for her to sleep at night knowing he was around, and I think it made it easier to leave this world knowing he would keep me safe. I do miss her insanely, but right now, I am most sad that I am not sitting in her terribly cluttered dining room, with our crazy, hyper lab, Chloe lying at my feet after one of her excited laps through the house, tell her face to face that I think he is the one. She's here with me now, though, and I think she knows that, too. :)

This is my latest endeavor. I have learned to make slipper socks on my baby hat loom. I call it that, but it's just the smallest loom in the set. My sister suggested using the 4" loom for kids slipper socks, so I think I will try that. I had purchased a ton (!) of sock yarn to make socks for Christmas gifts only to find out that using sock yarn is way too time-consuming. The problem is, I bought the yarn about two months ago. I called the store, and they will let me exchange the yarn for other stuff in the store, which is what I wanted. However, if the yarn has been on sale in the past four weeks, which my sister warned me it may have been, I will only get to exchange my yarn for the sale price. Here's the kicker, though. I payed $5.00 a skein!! I am returning ten balls of yarn unless I can find more. That is $50.00 worth of yarn, and I will be very disappointed if I do not get the full $50.00 out of it. Also, on top of that minor setback, my devil cat got into my yarn and pulled out three or four of the sock yarn balls, ripped the label off them and tore them apart all over the living room. I took each ball and re-wrapped it by hand, but they are not quite as aesthetically pleasing as the machine wrapped skeins. I am so frustrated with my cat! It's not her fault because I left them in her reach, and cats are drawn to yarn.

Anyway, tonight is Friday night, and I will be staying home to work on homework because I really don't want to try to do it this weekend. I decided to just stick with two classes instead of adding a third. The third class I was going to take had a bunch of labs, a moon watching project, a assignment that had us going to the planetarium, along with the regular reading, discussions, and homework. On top of that, it was a self paced class. There were no specific deadlines except to have a certain amount of work done by midterm and have it all done by the end of the semester. I can't handle classes like that because I can't make my own schedule. I have a hard enough time keeping track of my own life without adding another schedule into it. Two classes is good for now. I can focus on them with all the energy they require without feeling burned out or like I didn't get to live my life.

I am very tired right now. Our bank stays open until 6 on Fridays, but the lobby closes at 5. I'm here for an hour by myself, and it is really a kill joy. It is taking away my energy to get my homework done, but I just have to keep reminding myself that I am going out to enjoy the day with Big T tomorrow. We are going to the "city," going to Hobby Lobby to exchange that yarn and wander, then going to the book store to check out a new book we are going to read together. It's called "Love as a Way of Life: The Seven Languages of Love." It was recommended to me by a friend, and apparently it is going to teach us about each other's personalities and teach us how to better serve each other's personalities. I'm really looking forward to getting inside Big T's head and learning about why he does the things he does. Hopefully it will help me to not be so short tempered with him, and hopefully, he will learn that my fuse is short. ;-) We are also going to watch the movie Fireproof tomorrow night as suggested by another friend. We are going through some relationship building right now because we have had a rough time of it since we moved to the new appartment. We have just argued and not spent any quality time together, and I'm ready to nip that in the bud before it gets out of hand.

I hope all is well and creative in your homes! Have a good night!

Baby Afghan on Its Way!

So, I had posted pictures of some of the squares I had been working on, but I am too impatient to wait for responses on the colors of the baby afghan. I like it, so if no one else would, I will put it on my couch and save it for my own baby. :) Anyway, I was so excited about getting started tonight that I went ahead and just finished the center (12"x12") It took me all night since I got off work, but I just couldn't contain myself. The picture really doesn't do it justice because you don't get to see all the details. I think it is good for my first ever afghan! It's just the center, though. I will keep posting pictures along the way. Hope you love it!!

Catnip Fever!

On my lunch break today, I went home as I normally do. When you live in a small town, you can do that kind of thing. Anyway, I had put fresh cat nip out on a plate for my cat to play with when I left this morning, and when I got home, she hadn't really played with it. When I started making my sandwich for lunch, it was as if she just realized it was there. All of a sudden, she was sniffing it, eating it, and, here's the best part, ROLLING in it! It was so hilarious. She was just basking in the glory of all that was catnip. Don't fret, though, because I have taken pictures!

You can see the flakes are all over her, and she absolutely loved it. Of course, then she felt the need to be even more persistently loving than normal, and I was trying to make some more granny squares. I did manage to make two more squares in between bites and watching the inauguration. My sister had suggested using pink and white with the other colors I was already using to make an afghan out of. Here is what they look like together.

The pink and white square is made out of cotton and the multicolored square is made out of acrylic, so they will be different textures. I am thinking baby blanket, though. I know a girl who is having a baby, and she won't find out until February what it is. If it does end up being a girl, I could give it to her. I could also give it as a gift to Big T's mom, as suggested by my sister. My other idea is that I would keep it because it would be the first afghan I had ever made. Please leave me your ideas and comments about if you would like a blanket that had these two color schemes and how you would feel about the different textures. I honestly don't think it would take too terribly long to make. If I plug away at it for the next month or so, it may be done by the middle of February because the squares are relatively quick to make.

The inauguration is proving to be emotional, too. In the beginning, I did not support Obama, and I have not had a chance to hear his speech. I am hoping to catch on YouTube tonight or tonight's news. Now, especially after today's luncheon, I am starting to see the heart in this man. I am especially appreciative that he wants to make it easier for kids to stay in college. It can be very difficult to support ourselves, those of us living away from home while going to school. I know I had to switch to part time, not for financial reasons, but because I was overwhelmed working and going to school as well as trying to see my family and live a life. This part time schedule is really working out very well for me. It has only been one week, but I have my passion back for it again. I am getting the homework done during the week and days before the deadlines instead of minutes before the deadlines. I can't understand why I never switched to part time before now. You live and learn, though.

Anyway, I am very excited and nervous as we go forth into this new presidency. I want Obama to stick to all his promises as I'm sure all Americans do, but I understand how difficult his presidency is going to be, at least in the beginning. He has a huge mess to clean up, and he is taking responsibility for this mess now. I just hope the American people can remain un-judgemental and compassionate as he begins his work on the clean up project.

My Knitting/Crocheting (Mis) Advnetures ;-)

Recently, I have tried my hand at crocheting and knitting. In the past three months, I have been crocheting and knitting a lot of things. By knitting, though, I mean knitting with looms because knitting with needles drives me mad. I had learned to crochet about five or six years ago and had given it up when all my stress started coming out in my scarf. Yep, that's right, I had only tried one scarf before giving up. It was so tightly bound, and I couldn't keep the edges straight. I still have that scarf, too, in all it's unfinished glory. Anyway, back to the main event here. I realized that I have not posted many pictures to include you all in the process of my learning.I have been trying my hand at crocheted socks, which would be very nice if I would stick with it. After purchasing my knitting looms and having my sister teach me the right way to use them, I started making masses of hats, baby hats and big people hats, mostly. Even more recently, my grandma gave me this little metal set of square looms to make granny squares on. After a few fatal attempts, and again, my sister showing me how to use them the right way, I have learned that two heads are always better than one when learning a new skill, at least in my case. I have also learned, I cannot read directions to save my life, especially directions with pictures. Somehow, when the picture does not coincide with what I have imagined in my head, I don't admit that what I am envisioning is wrong. I just try it my own way, which is where I get into doing things incorrectly and being frustrated. Anyway, here is a sample of some of my most recent work.

This sock is on my two-year-old nieces foot. The lighting is bad, but the sock is adorable. I can't help but be proud of making an actual piece of clothing. :)This is one of the handful of baby hats I have made. I am using non-traditional colors because I think that is what I would want if someone made me a had to give to my baby. This is a picture of me in the hat I made for myself. It has a beautiful green baby soft yarn in it and a lilac eyelash yarn. It is very warm and fuzzy, and the best part is that my sister bought me those yarns for my birthday, with the help of my niece.This is where things start to get humorous. At least I can laugh at myself. This here is my first attempt at making granny squares. This is also the place it becomes obvious I am directionally challenged. ;-) When I showed this garbled mess to Big T, he had that silent, pondering look about him. He wasn't even sure what to say. What he did say was, "I think it looks good and will look even better with more practice." He's a good man. :)Now, this is what I am considering my real first granny square. After watching my sister make her first square last night, (she could read the directions right) I took note of how I should go about another square. Excuse me for boasting, but I think this square is so cute! Thanks, Grandma. ;-)

I hope you have all found some joy in my blog. Don't forget to try new things in life and laugh at yourself when your first attempt is pure garbage.

Disappointments Continued

I have decided to continue this blog so it makes sense to others (namely, my sister). Yesterday, I had just realized that the week was full of disappointments. My birthday had completely sucked, the house had gotten to be a complete mess. I had to turn it into b*tch mode to get anything done. My homework schedule did not work out how I planned it would, and it wasn't just a little glitch. I pretty much didn't get any homework done on one of the days I had planned to get four hours worth of homework done. I did have to do homework this weekend. I have been badly broke for going on two months now.

I have no money to pay the electric bill or water bill that are due this week, and that is not even a result of me going out and spending money we don't have. I have been making my own coffee at home instead of buying overpriced coffee shop coffee. I have not been making extra trips I couldn't afford. I have been telling my friends I can't go out to dinner because we have nothing. I have turned down so many friends, even friends that wanted to do something for my birthday. I would assume that if you wanted to take someone out for their birthday, you would offer to pay for their movie and lunch when they couldn't, but that is simply what I would do. I would do it without making that friend feel like a burden, either!

Yesterday, my younger brothers had pushed my buttons too far. He knew it was our niece and nephew's birthday party, and he said that he would have to get a ride to town and if he got a ride to town, he would prefer to go watch a movie with his girlfriend. This is not something I would not expect from a sixteen year old boy. However, he had already asked if he could just stay at my house because his girlfriend's parents did not want to take him back home, ten miles away, at night. I told him I was sick of my house being the fallback. It is one thing if you are in need of some family time, but when my house becomes the waiting area or fallback house and you don't help pay bills or for groceries, it is going to send me over the edge a little. He had already been here for about a week just two or three days earlier. He had been here the day before and left pop cans on my living room floor and a blanket out in my living room. He knows how anal I am about things getting back in their spots, and he knows you don't just get to come to my house and leave your mess.

On top of all that, I am sick of people using my stuff! My knitting looms, my yarn, my utensils, and leaving them wherever they want to. I have a case for that stuff, a special one my sister got me. Sometimes I think she is the only one who truly knows what makes me tick and actually cares enough not to make me flip out! That shouldn't even come as a surprise. My younger brother did buy his own knitting looms and yarn, and I shouldn't fail to mention that he made me breakfast and coffee on my birthday. I think in a way, it made me more sad. It was so nice of him to day, and it was a good breakfast. I experienced a very strange emotion, though, as I walked out of my bedroom and he said, "Oh, you ruined it. I was going to bring you this breakfast in bed." He had the plate and cup in his hand, and I was instantly taken back to when I was little and Mom would wake up to early and we would say the same thing to her. It was strange to be the one getting breakfast "in bed."

I haven't dreamt about my mom in months, either. However, in the last three days, I have dreamt about her three times. Last night, I dreamt about her, and in my dream, we still lived in my childhood home. She had left for Kentucky in the morning and was supposed to be home that evening. She didn't come home that night, though. The next day, she still wasn't home, so I called her friend to ask what had happened. She said my mom had been suffering from hallucinations and had been saying she could see a man when there wasn't one there. In my dream, my sister had also been suffering from these hallucinations, the same ones. It was very strange. My mom came home later that day, and all of a sudden, I ran to her histerically crying. I hugged her and told her I had been so worried when she didn't come home.

In my dream the night before, my mom was alive and had not ever been dead. She moved us back to our house in the small town I grew up in, but she had moved without me helping her. When I came home, she had given my little brother my room, and I was expected to use the bathroom as my bedroom. My bed was where the tub should have been, but the sink and toilet were in the same spot. The bathroom was still the same awful coral green. Nothing had changed about it, but I could not understand why she would put me in there. She was acting like it was some sort of punishment, and I just felt so hurt.

Anyway, I hope that I can dream about my mom as she is now, in Heaven. I hope we can talk and I can hug her and kiss her. I hate dreaming that she is still alive but something tragic has happened to her or that she is still alive and so disappointed in me that we can't have a relationship. What do you think that is saying? Have I not really accepted the fact that she is gone? Is there a missing link somewhere that I am not seeing? Is she trying to tell me something?

Disappointments

Sometimes in life there are major disappointments, and to be completely honest, I have had enough of the minor disappointments. I am really hoping there isn't a major disappointment around the corner. I hate to be so pessimistic, but let's face it. I am pessimistic!

My Goodness, It's cold outside!

Well, there really isn't much going on in my life right now. I realized I hadn't posted since the 6th of this month, and that was ten days ago! Seriously?! So, since then, I have had my birthday... On my birthday and leading up to my birthday, I missed my mom so terribly that I just wanted it to go away. I didn't want to have a birthday at all. I do appreciate the gifts I got, though. My sister is very thoughtful. :-) She got me a beautiful snowglobe. It is distressed silver, and it has a very simple angel woman standing in the middle holding a cross. She has ivy leaves on her, but everything is silver and magical. Sometimes, throughout the last week, when I was home alone, I would shake my magical snowglobe and turn the music on and just imagine that I was with my mom for the short time while the music played. If I hadn't had my fill, I would play the music over again. It really is magical.

In the past month, I have made numerous hats, too. I have made two hats for myself, a red hat for a friend of mine, and a handful of newborn hats. The newborn hats are meant to actually be used for going outside as they are thick and fuzzy. However, I have realized that out of all these hats I have made, I have not posted any pictures. For my birthday, my sister also gave me a four inch loom that I have used to make a few coffee cozies. The knitting looms turned out to be absolutely fantastic, so fantastic that my brother and Big T started using them to make things. My brother even bought his own set of looms and lots of yarn and has made two hats in two days!

My classes for this semester started this week. I am already dreading taking my Child Psychology class. Last semester, I failed the class because I stopped attending class and never withdrew from it. The chapters for this class are about thirty pages long and the most boring things I have ever read in my life. It is so hard to read the chapters without wanting to gouge my eyes out. I started a new Psychology class. It's the Psychology of Personality, and the reading for that class is very easy to read. It's slightly interesting, but it's not hard to read at all. For some reason, my Child Psych book is just too much, and they pack so much information into one chapter. It is just overwhemingly boring. Anyway, that is really all that is going on with me right now.

We are all moved in to the appartment, settled, and making messes again. I love it! (*Sarcasm*) I hope you are all having fascinating, interesting lives. Have a good day!

Soooo Tiiiirrreed...

I am so tired today. I am still not completely used to the new appartment and all it's creaks in the night. I'm also not used to having my cat in the house again and all of her creaks in the night. Big T is back to work this week after Christmas break, and I'm not quite used to the alarm at 4, 5, or 6 in the morning depending on when he decides to stop setting new alarms and go to work! I am still hoping that my life is at the end of this tunnel, but it is slowly falling back into place. I just want to be able to sleep again, for a full night, though I'm sure Momma B is thinking she wants to gouge my eyes out for complaining about my six full hours of sleep. ;)

I can't wait for my day off on Thursday, though it is already packed. I have to go get my new books for this semester, clean my bedroom, see my friend (which isn't an obligation thing, more an "I want to." thing haha) and run some errands around the big city. Then it's back to work on Friday and Saturday. I really hope I can get with my sister this weekend (hint, hint) sometime outside of birthday parties and Sunday school to make some more hats, especially since I won't see much of her this week.

School starts back up on Monday next week, and I am taking three online classes. If any of you would be so wonderful as to sort of keep tabs on how that's going, I would so appreciate it. I tend to get burned out on school within the first three to four weeks because I am a serious procrastinator. This semester, I have gained an understanding that each class needs three hours minimum during the week to complete all my tasks in an orderly fashion. Since I am taking three classes, I need an nine hour minimum to actually work on homework, and since I am getting ten credit hours, I should probably be putting something close to ten hours in each week for class work. That's really not asking so much. I usually have two days off work a week, excluding Sundays because I really don't want to be doing homework on my relaxing/family days. I think if I work on classwork for about three hours on each day I have off work, then I will only have to work on classwork an hour to an hour and a half on the evenings after I get off work. This system should keep me from being overwhelmed and from feeling like I never get to leave my house. Let's all hope so anyway! I'd appreciate any suggestions on keeping my head on straight. :)

Have a great day, everyone!

Beautiful Awakening

This morning, a very beautiful thing happened to me.

As I am laying in bed around 7am, I start to awake to the wonderful aroma of coffee. I should have been out of bed half an hour before then, getting ready for work, but we all know that is unrealistic. :) Anyway, big T had already left for work about an hour and a half earlier, so I convince myself I'm nuts and just really want some coffee bad enough that I am dreaming I smell it. I try to go back to sleep, but as I roll over, I catch another whiff of that wonderful aroma. I just could not convince myself to be in bed any longer. I roll myself out of bed and shuffle my way to the kitchen, and what I saw made the angels in Heavan sing. There in front of my eyes was a pot of coffee already made! I have yet to thank Big T, but it could be topping the charts of the most romantic things he's done. haha You can all rest assured I've got a real manly man. :)

What do we think about this?

Ok all, I know it has been forever since I last blogged to you about anything, and while there is much to update all of you on in my life, I am going to skip most of it. I know that is a little frustrating for some as this is the only way you can actually find out what is going on in my life, but let me just say that the holiday season was hellish this year. I was more sad this year than the last. I was more behind schedule than ever. I was moving, and I was stressed. I was completely distracted from the reason for the season. However, I have now opened up a Christmas Club savings account in hopes that this next Christmas can be relatively stress free (key word being relatively).

My heart patient friend is doing ok. Her spirits are a little down because she is stuck at home all the time while the rest of us are at work. She's getting antsy and a little bit frustrated with her limits. The other day, she was puking all day, and we aren't sure if she had a short case of the flu or if there was another reason. I had high hopes of getting over to see her more than I have, but making Christmas presents at the last minute, unpacking and cleaning my new and old appartments, and overdrafting my checking account made that nearly impossible. Just because those are all valid reasons why I have not been over to see her more than once since she got home does not make me feel better about it. It would be nice if we lived in a world where we could drop everything to take care of someone we loved and our employers and such would just understand, and even continue paying us! haha I kill myself.

Anyway, on to the point of my blog today. I saw a quote in the news paper this morning. (Yes, even the young and naive can break the seal of a news paper every so often.) It really got me thinking. Here it is.

"Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

- Nathaniel Hawthorne

Now here is where I am confused. When we are young, our parents, teachers, and mentors tell us we can be whatever we want to be. We should chase our dreams and never give up. As we grow older, though, it's as if the pessimism sets in. Some of you may say it is not pessimistic; it is merely realistic. However, how can you expect a child not to experience serious disequilibrium by the time they reach their college years? All throughout their childhood, you tell them to be whatever they want to be and that anything is possible. Then, by the time we get to college, a mere 18 years old, after we have been nurtured and babied at home, we are suddenly expected to choose a "real job" that we will be expected to do for "the rest of our lives." As children we are taught that happiness is always within reach as long as we believe it is. Yet, as an adult, we are taught that chasing after our dreams is childish and irresponsible.

This is why movies like the Pursuit of Happyness can exist. It is a huge trial to actually go after what makes you happy, and this quote reflects more the adult mind set than the child-like mindset. We are supposed to sit around and wait for happiness to flutter into our lives instead of reaching for it and chasing after it. Isn't half the fun of seeing a butterfly achieved in chasing after it, free spiritedly laughing all the way? Somewhere in the back of our minds, we know we are very unlikely to actually catch the butterfly, but we continue to try because the experience is worth it.

When do we reach a point in our "grown up" years that we stop trying to achieve greatness, that our imaginations are completely evaporated? Why is it so easy to tell our children or children we know to chase their dreams and be whatever they want to be and yet we can not live to the same standard? I understand that having financial security is important, a necessity more than anything. However, people get so set in their ways, they forget to even try other things. Just because you already have a job, doesn't mean you can't dabble in the arts or wherever it is you find your heart is the happiest. I want to encourage you all to remember your childhood dreams, let your hair down, and chase a butterfly once in awhile.