Her first give-away!

My wonderful, beautiful, creative big sister is doing her first ever give-away on her blog! Of course, I'm going to be a true Snot Head and jump into the contest! She has made an adorable clutch bag that is about 10-12 inches wide and about 6 inches tall. I love it, and I love the colors, brown and blue.

Don't you love it too?! I hope you will all run over to her blog RIGHT NOW and check it out and enter for your chance to win this hand made with love crocheted clutch bag (try saying that three times fast!).

Oh, and while you're at it, mention my name when you stop by! ;o) Here's the link to her blog:

http://sjeza5.blogspot.com/

I know you will love her as much as I do.

Womanhood...Or so it seems.

Today, April 8th, 2009, I finally feel like a woman. I finally feel like I can stand on my own. I finally feel like my mom will always be near. I finally see why she was so paranoid. I finally have gained even the most minuscule amount of understanding into her world. Today, I had an epiphany, and I am confident.

My mother loved me so much, she gave me the best possible life she could give with limited resources. She shielded my heart from pain as much as she could. She taught me about right and wrong. She taught me about trust, how quickly it can vanish and how hard it is to attain, yet how important it is to have, even if only in a select few chosen people. She taught me about life.

My mother set me up to live this life I am living. God guided her in raising me. God guided her mightily. He made sure I had all the necessary tools I needed to hold true to my promise to her in the last seconds of her life. I told her I could be an adult. I told her I would be ok. I told her it was ok for her to go, so she wouldn't have to be sick anymore. She trusted me.

Not only did she trust me, she had faith in me. She knew she had given me all the tools I needed to become a young woman...I just didn't know it. I didn't trust myself.

I know my mom is dead, but she has everlasting life. I know she is no longer physically before me, but she is always close by. I know my relationship with my mother is not the same as it was before. I know it will never be the same as it was before. It is stronger now. I know my mother had a plan for me. I know my Father has plans for me. I know my mom will get to live to see those plans because my mom has everlasting life.

My mom not only trusted me and believed in me, but she left me with a wonderful big sister.

"If I was two years older, I could be Mom, and you could be me."

I may not get to have the best friend relationship with my mom that I feel I should have gotten, but I get to have the best friend relationship with my sister that many sisters never have. I will never be able to forget my mom because of my sister. I will never feel like I didn't get to know my mom because of my sister. I will never be alone...because of my sister. I will always have someone to turn to because of my sister.

Long before I was ever conceived...before my sister was ever conceived...before my mom was ever conceived, God had a plan. He saw three beautiful, strong, confident, crazy women. He saw a cycle begin. He saw wisdom. He saw caring. He saw something different. He saw my mom, my sister, and myself, and He saw our lives.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Acts 17:11

God knows my future. He has plans for me. God will guide me and my family to prosperity. God wove all of this together, and God is putting the pieces of the puzzle into place.

My mother was a beautiful woman. My sister is a beautiful woman, and I...I am becoming a beautiful woman.

Rewarding

Today, my sister gave me a wonderful gift. She may or may not even know she gave it to me. She asked me if I would help with her with her Sunday School kids. She is letting them sew pillows for their parents, and she wanted to know if I could help them sew while she gave the lesson. I left feeling all warm and fuzzy. I really can't explain it any other way. I have not been to church but one time since my mom died. I really want to go back, but every time, I find a reason not to go. Today, I got a chance to go back without feeling the pressure of sitting with a group of people much older than me. I was so excited driving over to the church. My soul was happy to be back. I can honestly say that I will definitely continue to help. I just hope there is still stuff for me to help with after the pillows. ;)

P.S. I'm not so sure my sister didn't know what she was doing when she asked me. If she did know, she is just as sly as I would expect. If she didn't, that is just another one of the things I love about her, her ability to do the big sister thing and help me overcome my fears.

Poke, Twist, Pull ;)

Ohhhh, I just love titles! Yesterday, after I so dreadfully went to work, I came home. That seems reasonable, right. :) Anyway, on my way home, I called my boyfriend, Big T, even though it only takes me about 3 minutes to get home from work. It's an impulse thing. I have to do things as I think of them, otherwise, certain doom will overtake the earth and kill us all, all except me because I must be left to live with the guilt of what I have brought to the people of earth by not making that phone call RIGHT NOW!

Anyway, so in my phone call with Big T, I am telling him that I want to go see a movie. I am just in the mood to go to Winetown..(haha, that's kind of nerdy, but it's kind of a funny play on words if you have any clue what city I was really going to. dumb. haha) About ten minutes after I get home, and we blankly stare at each other ( I was getting the, I don't want to go with you vibe), my biggest big sister (haha, making fun of you! and you can't poke my eyes out) in the world texts me to see if I want to go to Winetown with her. "Fantastic!!" I think. We've got to be on some alternate wavelength together and completely alone. haha That or it was shear coincidence. Who believes in coincidence, though? Please...

So, she comes to pick me up in the "bus" that transports her 1000 kids, no joke, and the three of us, my big sister and I, and the Meeeeeeeeema you all know and love, all go to Winetown to buy things we can't afford. ;)

While that was certainly worthwhile, and for whatever crazy lunatic reason, I really do enjoy the seldom quiet times with my biggest big sister in the world, it was not the best part. That came after we got back to her house. Here comes the punch line: I was re-teaching her to crochet. HA! From here on out, I will describe in steps how this was just pre-destined to not work:

1. My biggest big sister is left handed...Every book in the world, every tool in the world, every thought in the world is made for us NORMAL right handers. She looked at the book with a look of utter disgust as she tried to reverse all of the information to make it legible. Then, I, being the littlest little sister I am, tried to help. That resulted in knot one, knot two, and a loud (insert your own curse word here). It was all in good fun, though.

2. My biggest big sister has a 10 month old siamese twin. No her 10 month old is not a siamese. She is attached to her mother's hip. Come on people, catch up! Between the feeding, the grunting, the crying, and the rolling over of toes in those baby pain facilitators (walkers) my biggest big sister still managed to make a.......scarf. (Her words were "neck belt," which, needless to say, I was rolling on the floor about."

3. My biggest big sister has five other little devils roaming around her house. (We tried to have the place blessed, and, to our shock and dismay, haha, those little devils came back with more of their friends. We try to live our lives around them, but it can be difficult. :)) Her big girl, Big A proceeded to question what it was we were doing. I, somewhere along the line, had pulled up YouTube to find a left handed crocheting tutorial. Not applying her usual wiz-kid ways, Big A asks, "Why does that say left handed crotch-et?" Again, I am pictured here rolling on the floor. Cue stomach cramping and tears. Crotch-et? Oh come on guys, that's funny!

4. My biggest big sister is a bull. No, I don't mean like a real bull. She refuses to start over. Her...scarf...was very tight in the first row. Though she wasn't even done with her first row, and it would have been very easy to start over, she blatantly refused! She continued to crochet just like that, and upon her second row, she said to me, "I see what you mean about not being able to get the hook back through." That was license for me to make fun of her the rest of the night.

When I left my biggest big sister's siamese devil circus, my SCARF looked like this:
Her scarf looked like this ~~'~~~'--'~~. Haha. I didn't get a picture of her scarf, but all I could tell her was, "You're killing me." After which she would say, "Whaaat?! Shut up." It was really an eventful day, and I learned a lot. The most important lesson I learned, though, was that I will not be waving any red capes around at my biggest big sister's house. ;)