This Christmas

We are kicking of the Christmas season around here in my community. Our lighted holiday parade is Saturday, and I am very excited! My plan is to park Big T's truck up town where I want to sit. Then we will go up there when we are ready, walk around, probably get some chili and baked goods, and end the night sitting in the back of the truck, all bundled up, under a blanket and sipping hot cocoa as we gaze upon the beautiful Christmas floats. The most important part is making sure it actually goes this way...but don't burst my fantasy land bubble.

Anyway, the point of this blog (as if any of you should be surprised I got off topic) is to express some emotions I am left with after watching the movie with Chris Brown, This Christmas. The movie overall was very touching, as most Christmas movies tend to be. There was chaos, too, as my sister will verify holidays inexplicably bring. The best part of the movie was the stress on the importance of family. No matter how much drama was created, and there was plenty of drama, the family all came together in the end.

Now, I may have been able to predict an ending of this sort, but these endings will always move me deep down in my heart. I know that having big families can be hassle, but toward the end of the movie, the mother looks out over her family with such pride and joy in her eyes. I was overwhelmed with the desire to have that. I want to be someone's mother. I want to be a few someone's mothers. My sister has told me so many times not to have so many kids...even my mom had told me to not have a lot of children, but I have a true value for large families. Just the other day, I told a friend, there is always something to do, and there is rarely time to feel alone. I can always call someone up and talk about my day or hang out. Now that my sister has carried on this tradition, there are even more people to have fun with.

However, in all the joy of families, I was stricken with some sadness, as I have been so often lately. It was painful to realize that my mom will never look at me with that pride again. If my big brother makes it big some day with his singing, she will not be here to look at him with pride and love. On my little brother's graduation day, his mom will not be there to give him a hug and throw him a party, buying a cake with his face on it. I just miss her terribly lately. I never know which comes first, the messy house or the longing to be with my mom again, but they always go hand in hand. All in all, I would be lost with out my family...If I had been an only child, I just don't know where I would be right now.