Academic Update

I have finally made a decision for myself.

I know this doesn't seem like a big feat, but for me, it truly is. As of earlier today, I am officially withdrawn from my classes! Part of me is excited, and part of me is very nervous. If I ever stop taking my herbal crazy pills (St. John's Wort for those of you fain to follow my blog regularly) I may be very anxious about the decision.

I am excited to have more time to devote to my crocheting and my house. I am excited to not feel the constant pressure of doing well and meeting demands. I am excited to explore the world around me, and I am most excited to continue learning about myself and my friends and family.

I'm nervous because for the last nearly two years of my life, I have identified myself as a college student, using school to validate myself, thus explaining the reason I have not felt good about myself in quite some time. I am nervous to create my own real identity instead of a generic mold of an identity. As I stated above, I am also excited about this. I am nervous about getting started on paying off my student loans, though I know they are reasonable and work with your budget.

I am excited to give my full attention to planning my wedding and a wonderful, relaxing honeymoon.

I'm nervous that I will never be able to decide what I want to do.

I'm excited to relax and do things that make me happy.

I'm nervous about what people will think. I'm nervous I will grow more distant from my friends as I embark on an even different lifestyle from them. I'm nervous I won't understand their world anymore and they may not understand mine.

I'm excited to have such wonderful, supportive friends and family around me in this time of trial and error.

Besides all of those mixed emotions, I am thrilled to be going out tonight with my sister and some of our friends! We are going to pick up the Twilight movie, and I think I might just be able to justify buying that as well as the yarn to make a very pretty crochet sampler afghan. There will be pictures to come, but tonight is going to be a wonderful time full of window shopping and what I'm sure will end up being lots of entertainment for us and those who happen to be standing too close. ;o)

Catnip Fever!

On my lunch break today, I went home as I normally do. When you live in a small town, you can do that kind of thing. Anyway, I had put fresh cat nip out on a plate for my cat to play with when I left this morning, and when I got home, she hadn't really played with it. When I started making my sandwich for lunch, it was as if she just realized it was there. All of a sudden, she was sniffing it, eating it, and, here's the best part, ROLLING in it! It was so hilarious. She was just basking in the glory of all that was catnip. Don't fret, though, because I have taken pictures!

You can see the flakes are all over her, and she absolutely loved it. Of course, then she felt the need to be even more persistently loving than normal, and I was trying to make some more granny squares. I did manage to make two more squares in between bites and watching the inauguration. My sister had suggested using pink and white with the other colors I was already using to make an afghan out of. Here is what they look like together.

The pink and white square is made out of cotton and the multicolored square is made out of acrylic, so they will be different textures. I am thinking baby blanket, though. I know a girl who is having a baby, and she won't find out until February what it is. If it does end up being a girl, I could give it to her. I could also give it as a gift to Big T's mom, as suggested by my sister. My other idea is that I would keep it because it would be the first afghan I had ever made. Please leave me your ideas and comments about if you would like a blanket that had these two color schemes and how you would feel about the different textures. I honestly don't think it would take too terribly long to make. If I plug away at it for the next month or so, it may be done by the middle of February because the squares are relatively quick to make.

The inauguration is proving to be emotional, too. In the beginning, I did not support Obama, and I have not had a chance to hear his speech. I am hoping to catch on YouTube tonight or tonight's news. Now, especially after today's luncheon, I am starting to see the heart in this man. I am especially appreciative that he wants to make it easier for kids to stay in college. It can be very difficult to support ourselves, those of us living away from home while going to school. I know I had to switch to part time, not for financial reasons, but because I was overwhelmed working and going to school as well as trying to see my family and live a life. This part time schedule is really working out very well for me. It has only been one week, but I have my passion back for it again. I am getting the homework done during the week and days before the deadlines instead of minutes before the deadlines. I can't understand why I never switched to part time before now. You live and learn, though.

Anyway, I am very excited and nervous as we go forth into this new presidency. I want Obama to stick to all his promises as I'm sure all Americans do, but I understand how difficult his presidency is going to be, at least in the beginning. He has a huge mess to clean up, and he is taking responsibility for this mess now. I just hope the American people can remain un-judgemental and compassionate as he begins his work on the clean up project.

My Knitting/Crocheting (Mis) Advnetures ;-)

Recently, I have tried my hand at crocheting and knitting. In the past three months, I have been crocheting and knitting a lot of things. By knitting, though, I mean knitting with looms because knitting with needles drives me mad. I had learned to crochet about five or six years ago and had given it up when all my stress started coming out in my scarf. Yep, that's right, I had only tried one scarf before giving up. It was so tightly bound, and I couldn't keep the edges straight. I still have that scarf, too, in all it's unfinished glory. Anyway, back to the main event here. I realized that I have not posted many pictures to include you all in the process of my learning.I have been trying my hand at crocheted socks, which would be very nice if I would stick with it. After purchasing my knitting looms and having my sister teach me the right way to use them, I started making masses of hats, baby hats and big people hats, mostly. Even more recently, my grandma gave me this little metal set of square looms to make granny squares on. After a few fatal attempts, and again, my sister showing me how to use them the right way, I have learned that two heads are always better than one when learning a new skill, at least in my case. I have also learned, I cannot read directions to save my life, especially directions with pictures. Somehow, when the picture does not coincide with what I have imagined in my head, I don't admit that what I am envisioning is wrong. I just try it my own way, which is where I get into doing things incorrectly and being frustrated. Anyway, here is a sample of some of my most recent work.

This sock is on my two-year-old nieces foot. The lighting is bad, but the sock is adorable. I can't help but be proud of making an actual piece of clothing. :)This is one of the handful of baby hats I have made. I am using non-traditional colors because I think that is what I would want if someone made me a had to give to my baby. This is a picture of me in the hat I made for myself. It has a beautiful green baby soft yarn in it and a lilac eyelash yarn. It is very warm and fuzzy, and the best part is that my sister bought me those yarns for my birthday, with the help of my niece.This is where things start to get humorous. At least I can laugh at myself. This here is my first attempt at making granny squares. This is also the place it becomes obvious I am directionally challenged. ;-) When I showed this garbled mess to Big T, he had that silent, pondering look about him. He wasn't even sure what to say. What he did say was, "I think it looks good and will look even better with more practice." He's a good man. :)Now, this is what I am considering my real first granny square. After watching my sister make her first square last night, (she could read the directions right) I took note of how I should go about another square. Excuse me for boasting, but I think this square is so cute! Thanks, Grandma. ;-)

I hope you have all found some joy in my blog. Don't forget to try new things in life and laugh at yourself when your first attempt is pure garbage.

I Want a Break!

So the past year of my life was far from fantastic, to say the least. However, by the time the lazy days of summer rolled around, I truly felt happy again. I was excited at the thought of spending ample time with my family, cookouts, bonfires, sleeping in, settling into good books, and enjoying myself. That is exactly what I did, too. Summer was fantastic.

Then school started again. Seeing as how I completely bombed last semester, ending my wonderful first year of college with a 2.3 GPA (though I had a 3.8 in high school), I was excited to go back and re-establish myself as the "smart kid." The first two weeks of school were....kiiind of.....exciting. However, I was least excited about my speech class. As time progressed, I started to get a little bogged down, again, questioning why it is that I am the only person in the world doing homework all hours of the night. I wasn't really able to see my family anymore...weeks would go by before I'd get to really talk to them. I live with my boyfriend, and we were basically just sleeping in the same bed. He went to work before I woke up and went to bed before I was done with homework. It's pretty much like that now, with a few exceptions.

Anyway, I have been questioning my academic decisions a lot lately because I have just been so unhappy. I value education and perspective pretty highly, but this is hard work. Just because it is hard work, though, I don't feel like I should be so unhappy. Therefore, I am considering taking a break, some time off to myself to learn about who I am and what I want in life.

I think you should all know that I have some serious control issues, and yet, I am ready to take that leap, chalk up some of my own experiences and have some of my own mistakes to learn from. I have spent my entire life learning from everyone else's mistakes and never taking risks. Now I'm not saying I want to be careless or reckless, but what better time to take chances than now, when I am only accountable for myself?

I am ready to live, to breathe in all that life has to offer. I'm ready to wrinkle up my nose and pinch it shut when I am breathing in those not so pleasant moments, and I'm ready to spread my arms and inhale deeply all of those moments where I will truly believe I have never seen a more beautiful world. I am ready to take a flying leap, and this time no one will be there to shove me before I'm ready.