Our Wedding Story

On Wedding Day, I felt calm. I had spent the night at home with a childhood friend of mine who also happened to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. My husband spent the night with two of his friends, one of which was his best man. We went bowling after the wedding rehearsal, and we had a generally good time. We certainly made lots of memories and laughed a lot. We all needed it, just to let our hair down.

On Wedding Day, I felt eager. I arrived at the church by 10am. We waited around for awhile after that without having anything to do. It was nice just to be at the church, just a few people that were involved in the wedding. I got to have plenty of time to breath and be pampered before the wedding.

On Wedding Day, I felt beautiful. For the first time in my life, people walked up to me and told me I was gorgeous. The twinkle in their eyes as they saw me for the first time in my full wedding garb was so rewarding. A woman should always be made to feel beautiful on her wedding day. I know for me, it definitely helped keep the nerves down.

On Wedding Day, I had fun sneaking around so my then fiance wouldn't see me before the wedding. I had fun wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking, how he looked all done up. I had fun in the suspense.

On Wedding Day, I marched up the aisle to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and felt as though I were running to be in my husbands arms. The ceremony didn't seem like it could go fast enough. I beamed through most of it, muttering jokes to my now husband. I cried as he held and caressed my hands. I cried as he spoke his vows sweetly to me, and I laughed as he looked at the pastor shocked when she said "Til Death Do You Part." Everyone laughed as his eyes bugged out of his head. It was the perfect comic relief. He says he thought she said something else. Either way, it was funny.

On Wedding Day, I had bird seed in places I never believed possible. We drove away in our old beat up Ford truck. It was fitting. We are simple people.

Our Wedding Day was beautiful. It was quick. It was small. It was all about us. I cannot express the amount of gratitude for the wonderful friends and family we had along the way. My sister agreed to put her entire family into the wedding. She did the big sisterly thing and put lots of hours into my day. Our friends pitched in with snacks and time. One friend even DJ-ed our reception with no prior DJ experience! It was very impressive.

Our life together will be interesting for sure. I am coffee and he is soda. I am romantic comedy and he is slasher. I am stress and he is free spirit. I am crochet and he is video games. I am personable and he is anti social. We are so, so opposite, and I am so, so lucky to have him. Last night, I fell asleep in his arms after a long cry. The honeymoon was over, it was back to work this morning. Our life is going back to "normal," and I had finally wound down enough for my emotions to hit me. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to calm down in his grasp. No one can make me as calm as he can. No one can make me as warm as he does. No one can be so sweet and gentle with me as he is.

I am happy. We are happy. This is our story, and it is all just beginning.

He is granting me Peace...somehow.

This weekend was pretty nice and so vastly different from this very same weekend last year. Last year, I was still in classes, frantically trying to catch up on all the homework I decided I wouldn't do all semester long before my finals. Last year, my very good friend Dusti stayed with me to ease the blow of spending my first Mother's Day without my mother. Last year, I was still angry and feeling a lot of pain. Last year, we had just moved back to our home town. Last year, we were cramped into a tiny apartment that I could never keep clean or feel at ease in.

This year is definitely different. I'm not in classes right now. I'm getting married. We have a much roomier apartment. I spent half the day with my Grandma and half the day with my fiance's mom. I finished a pair of fingerless gloves for a birthday present as well as one dishcloth that will be part of a set for a graduation/birthday/housewarming gift. I only cried a little, and I could feel my mom's presence around me all day, very much so when I was going to sleep last night.

However, none of these things are why I am in need of Peace. I am in need of Peace because my fiance's job is very rocky right now. They already let go of about 100 people about a month ago. They thought, moronically in my opinion, that the end of winter would bring them more business. A change in seasons does not bring a change in the wallet, though. Money does not bud with the flowers. In short, a sunny new season did not bring in more money for them, either. As of this morning, they have walked out another 10 or so people. They will probably continue walking out people through the afternoon and possibly tomorrow. The plant is closing for the week of the 25th to June 1st. They will then close again for 2 weeks to a month from about mid June to mid July.

Did I mention we are supposed to be getting married? I have already purchased a dress. He has already put a deposit on his tux. My bridesmaids have ordered their dresses for the most part. The groomsmen have put their deposit on their tuxes. None of that money can be refunded now. I am absolutely terrified we will have to postpone our wedding or get married in the courthouse, and all of our friends will be out their money. I don't want to put anyone else through the stress we are already dealing with just so we can pull off a wedding. At this point, things are starting to look really grim, and I can honestly say I don't know what to do.

Part of me wants to look deep inside myself and re-evaluate what I really want and expect out of this wedding. I never wanted a big wedding. I am really not fond of the idea of everyone staring at me. I don't like the pressure it is putting on people to come up with money they don't have. I don't want to make a speech.

I do want to look and feel beautiful. I do want to have a celebration with my friends and family. I do want to escape with my fiance/future husband. I do want to have fun and remember our wedding day fondly. I do want to experience the least amount of anxiety possible.

I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be great. I hate feeling such dread when I think of a day that is supposed to be so wonderful.