Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Long, Long Day with many questions swirling my brain

So much so that I decided half way through that title that I didn't want to use punctuation and capitalization anymore.

This day started bright and early with a round of showers for the husband and I before heading off into a brand new world. Of course, being limited by my small town, I had to grab my latte at McDonald's, and yes, I am ashamed to admit that. It wasn't entirely awful, though, and on a different note, I had to boycott my local coffee shop for one day due to my utter disappointment at their lack of espresso knowledge. So, now that I have gotten that tangent out of my system, I just want to say that I am tired but wired, and full, full, full to the brim with questions and thoughts.

I did go to my Reiki workshop today, but it was much as I had expected. I want to first say that my instructor was the most loving, full of peace and joy, person I have ever met. However, our ideas on faith clashed a bit. While I can completely respect this, I cannot be comfortable inviting it into my life. I have a lot of thinking to do about this in general. Basically, her belief is that all the deities are the same. I do not agree at all. I think the exact opposite. While many religions express similar ideals and moral codes, they are not at all the same. There is only one God. I have only one Savior, Jesus Christ, and there is only one Holy Spirit, making up, ultimately, one Trinity.

However, from my instructor, I was able to see how much my heart needs to grow in love. If this woman does not even claim God as her sole creator or guide, yet she is still so full of love and life, what excuse, then, do I have? We talked today about my involvement in my community as well. I know I have expressed this before, recently, but I do not feel very involved in my church. I want to be more involved, but a big part of me is holding back. A big part of me is afraid...afraid of becoming attached, afraid of being rejected, afraid of looking young and naive, afraid of being David facing Goliath...But I know I have not been following or even seeking God's advice on this topic out of fear, and it has to stop now.

I don't feel that I made a wrong decision in going to my workshop today. I was able to learn about myself and others. I was able to honestly and openly talk about the struggles I have been having lately in my walk with God. I was able to admit to myself the areas in my life that still need some work and lots of love. I still don't feel as though I have blossomed. I feel like I need a little more rain and a lot more warm Son-shine, if you catch my drift.

So today was not a waste of time. Today was a milestone in my journey that I am still taking baby steps along. I can't say for sure yet that I am finished with my Reiki path, but I can say for sure that I am just beginning an even deeper dive into my soul search. I just hope that I can remember to take things one day at a time, breathe deeply, be love, and trust my God.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Need To Breathe

Lately, I have been really busy with my crochet business, and I have not had really any time to do anything else...

I have a stack of books I really want to just take a week off to read. I have so many ideas for my own crochet projects that I want to do. I have 3 or 4 more orders in my crochet business waiting to start. The good thing about those is that I will get to use my creative license again. I hate not being able to choose colors, experiment, and have fun with crochet. On the other hand, I have been making baby cocoons and preemie baby cocoons, and I just feel so blessed to have been asked to help. It is one of the sweetest jobs I have ever had, and I can't help but get caught up in it. I can only imagine the sweet, soft little babies that will be held, cuddled, and loved in the very cocoons woven from my own two hands. Every time I finish a cocoon, I hold it out in my arms as if it were full of a chubby cheeked little one, and I can't help but feel blessed and part of something bigger than myself.

These cocoons are going to India...I know I keep harping on this, but I just feel so honored. I can't believe how far my life has come.

In another area of my life, there is a lot of change happening as well. I have spoken on my blog a little bit about Reiki, or "hands on healing." I have always been drawn to people, for as long as I can remember. I feel specifically drawn to hurting people and even more specifically to those hurting emotionally. I am so utterly fascinated with the way people think and the inner workings of our minds. I love to just listen to people. I don't always, rarely even, have any advice to give, but I love to listen. Something about it just makes me content.

Anyway, a friend of mine recently expressed their concern with my choice to follow a path toward Reiki, and I wanted to give you all a website to check out in case you were feeling that same concern. When I post on here, I want everyone's honest opinions. I am curious to see what you all think, and when you become a trusted friend of mine, I actually take your words to heart. This website is called Christian Reiki and I just want to let all of you out there know that I would not be going into this if I felt it went against my beliefs as a Christian.

Today, I spent a little bit of time in prayer talking to God about why I want to learn more about Reiki. I explained to Him that I have always felt led to people who are hurting, and I desperately want to be able to help them while getting closer to my God at the same time. I want to deepen my relationship with God but also deepen my own spiritual understanding, and I believe Reiki will help me to do that. It won't, however, replace my search to understand God better or my study of the Bible. That is my ultimate goal of learning Reiki. I want to help others, myself, and deepen my spirituality and relationship with God.

I asked God to show me how He was feeling about this, to lead me and guide me. I asked Him to let me know if He didn't want me to follow this path, but I still feel at peace with it. I opened myself up 100% to God's will, even though I have already paid for my class and cannot get my money back. I am perfectly fine with that if God were to tell me that this is the wrong path for me or that I won't end up helping people or loving people after following this path.

I am not writing this post because I feel I have to justify my decision to anyone. I am writing this post because I enjoy the feedback my fellow bloggers give. I am writing this post in case anyone else had this question for me as well but was struggling with how to bring it up kindly. I am writing this post because it is weighing heavily on my heart right now to let you all know that God is my God, and I will never say otherwise. I am here to love, and I feel led to heal. Our spirits go through battle constantly in such a changing world, and I feel led to cleanse them and show people this wonderful, warm light that I know as my God. I am not ashamed of this. It is all part of the process, and I feel very much peace about this process.

The busier I get, and I am very busy right now, the more I need to depend on God, the more I need to devote time to learning about Him. I would not have this talent without God, and I cannot thrive under the pressure without God. I have been very blessed as of late, and I want you all to know you can have this love and this blessing in your life as well. All you have to do is ask. Jesus will hear you wherever you are, whatever you are doing, No...Matter...What.

Be love!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I feel like I have been through the ringer.

I don't know why, but I feel totally and completely exhausted today. From the time I woke out my coma like state this morning, I have felt hazy and like my limbs way 1000lbs each. Crazy!

But today has been a wonderful day. I met a wonderful woman named Sandy through my sister. She writes awesome patterns and sells them on her Etsy, and I have been given the chance to do a little work with her patterns. I am so excited to get started. If my work is accepted, it could end up in India! This will be the furthest any one of my items has ever gone. Ireland comes in second. ;o)

Also, upon checking my e-mail this morning to find out about this opportunity to work with her patterns, I found that five of my eco-friendly cotton coffee sleeves had been sold! I listed them only two days ago, and a woman in Maryland snatched them up. I am just so happy to be selling things I made with the skills God gave me to people so far away from me, people I have never even met before. It is a wonderful feeling, a sense of accomplishment.

I feel like standing on the rooftops and shouting to the world what a wonderful God my God is. I am being provided for. I am being looked after. God gave me this skill, and I am being able to use it in ways that make other people happy. I never imagined that at 20 years old, I would be married and own my own online store, but God has made it all possible. Praise Him for His everlasting love!

Also, if you get a chance, go check out the adorable patterns my new friend Sandy has created. You will want to learn to crochet just to be able to make them. They are fantastic! Her store is called Sandy's Cape Cod Originals and her other shop is called Sandy's Cape Cod Consignments. She was even featured in the most recent catalog of Annie's Attic patterns.

She was kind enough today to add one of my very own necklaces to her treasury. There are some other great fall hand crafted items in there as well. Take a minute to pop in and check out everyone else's handy work. My sister from My Crazy Kids was even featured in there for one of her adorable bucket hats! She has been working hard at her own shop Momma B's Hat House and More making some really fun hats and her newest items for Halloween.

Have fun, and don't break the bank. ;o)

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wrapping Up

As I'm wrapping up my very last day as a banker, though short-lived this job was, I am feeling some unexpected sadness and some slight anxiety. I never disliked my job as a Teller, and I want that to be very clear. I prayed about this job just as I prayed about my new job, but in all honesty, I have not stopped for a moment to really let this soak in that I am truly following God's plans now and no longer my own. I am truly putting my life into His hands and no longer just hoping for the best, but trusting that God knows what He is doing. I have never done this before. I have been close to God before, but I have never truly trusted Him. I can admit that because I am human, and God already knows its true.

I have been standing on the verse Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." From the first time that Stellan over at MckMama's blog (http://www.mycharmingkids.net/) was hospitalized, that verse has become increasingly important to me. It transformed from words on a page into a promise that God was speaking directly to me. I have been reminded of this verse daily for the past few weeks as I toddle along in my new walk with God. When things get tough, when I doubt, when I don't want to give, when I don't want to love, when I don't want to change, when I just don't feel like it anymore, God quietly reminds me of this verse, and His voice is always so sweet. It makes me melt. It makes me love Him even more.

God is always gentle with me, unless I need a swift kick. When I refuse to listen to Him, he puts the words in someone else's mouth. As I'm carrying on a conversation with a friend or family member, and sometimes even a complete stranger, God's words will come seemingly barreling out of someones mouth, forcing me to hear them. It is always in that moment that I realize how childish I was behaving by trying to ignore God's prodding. His ways are not always ways that I can understand. Sometimes, all I really feel like doing is being angry and sour, but it is in those times that I can truly honor God by going against the grain, doing what I don't feel like doing.

You see, loving and honoring God is not about our feelings. This morning, my boss at the bank came over to me before we opened and gave me a card. She said to me, before handing me the card, "I really do hope you find what it is you are looking for, happiness, whatever..." She paused here, and I could tell she was a little emotionally uncomfortable. When she continued, she really surprised me.

She continued, "Sometimes the world is really cruel, and not everyone understands how cruel it can be."

I started to tear up because I knew she was trying to console me. She is being completely honest in hoping that I can find happiness past the death of my mom, but what I worry is that my boss has yet to find that happiness past the death of her husband over a decade ago. I worry that she cannot let go of him and that is why she occasionally lashes out at her co-workers. I worry she won't allow herself to let go for fear of how different her life might be.

As I started to tear up, though, it seemed as though she was visibly uncomfortable, so she wrapped things up quickly and gave me my card. As she walked away, I was thinking, "She really must not trust her emotions."

In reality, though, how many of us trust our emotions? We trust them when it is convenient for us, like the times we really want to be down on ourselves and embrace the funk of sadness, but then other times when we truly feel happy for what seems like no reason, we question it. We don't trust the judgement of our own emotions all the time. At other times, when we simply don't feel like being nice to people, we make excuses for why we are in a bad mood, and we make those excuses to God, expecting to get out of our "work" for the day.

If we want to offer God true praise, though, if we really want to honor Him, those are the best moments to do so. When you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, when you just feel sad and empty, when you want the world to leave you alone, you will truly prove to God that you trust Him if you follow his lead even when you don't feel like it.

So, today, I offer that challenge out. I know God tests me in this area on a daily basis, and I'm curious to see what differences you will notice in your life today.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Rollercoaster Ride

It has been such a looong day already, and it all started with a five o'clock AM (!) phone call. My 16 year old brother called me at that early hour, and of course, because he has a tendency to call at inappropriate times, I ignored the call. Then he called my fiance's phone and I thought something must be wrong. So, I called him back and aggravated, I asked, "What do you want?!"





He asked me, "Can (Big T's) truck pull my truck?"





I replied, as if nothing was out of the ordinary, "No, why?"





Then he proceeded to tell me, "My truck is in a field."





Of course, I said, "Why is your truck in a field?"





He replied, "I rolled my truck, but I'm OK."





From there, I just told him there was no way our truck could pull his because ours is too old.





We got off the phone, and I laid there with a pit in my stomach for a few minutes until my fiance rolled over and nonchalantly asked me how my brother's truck ended up in a field. I told him that my brother said he hit the rocks on the side of the road, over corrected, hit the other ditch, and then rolled. All he remembered was flying and landing.





I thought I would be able to go back to sleep until my senses came back, and I realized, I really knew nothing about this situation. My 16 year old brother was just in a car accident! He flipped his truck! How in the world is he OK?! So, I text him asking how he lost focus and managed to flip his truck, when it happened and told him he had to report the accident or he would get charged with leaving the scene of an accident.





He said he was unable to sleep all night and felt like he just needed to get out for a bit. He later told me that once he got in the car and started driving, he just felt so free. [By the way, I should probably tell you that my brother, while not legally emancipated, lives the emancipated lifestyle.] He was driving along at 60 miles an hour when he saw a 30 mile an hour sign coming up. He says he took his foot of the gas, and for whatever reason (there is still something missing here, in my opinion) he got "sucked into the ditch" on the left side of the road, over corrected, got "sucked into the ditch" on the right side, and flipped the car. The policeman said it flipped vertically, head first, twice. I am just in shock, still.





My brother was so very blessed! He had his drivers side window open with his arm hanging out of it... So many things are running through my mind of what could have happened, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that a police man or the hospital could have been contacting me at 5am to tell me my brother had been killed in a car accident.





My brother is 16 years old. He lives with a buddy. He works and goes to school. He is still a child, but he believes otherwise. He seems to refuse to deal outwardly with the fact that our mom is dead, and for this reason, he doesn't understand that it is totally and completely unacceptable to leave at 4am (past curfew, which was part of his $150 fine) and tell no one where you were. If he had broken his neck in the accident, no one would have known where to begin looking for him. He could have died before anyone even found him because he was on a rural road!





He had x-rays done, though, as well as a CT scan, and all came back normal. He has a welt where his seat belt (thank GOD (!) he was smart enough to put that on) pushed on his neck. He has a big burn on his leg from where it hit the steering wheel. He has a bruise on his cheek where he most likely hit the steering wheel. Most of all, he is having terrible neck pain, which they prescribed 600 mg of Ibuprofen for. I can't imagine how he's going to feel tomorrow.





It was quite an experience on my part as well because my brother's legal guardian, his dad, was not there. His dad picked him up from the accident and told him to find someone to tow the truck out of the field! I was the one who made sure he got checked out and reported it. I was the one that signed the consent forms. I was the one that waited with him while he was strapped down to a board in case of neck injury. I'm the one that had to re-visit the very same emergency room my mother died in exactly 1 year and 9 months ago today. I'm also the one that had to drive to the town his dad lives in to tell his father to come to the hospital, since he wouldn't answer the door for the state cop.





I am just so thankful. I keep thanking God and praising God that nothing happened. It could have been so terrible, so traumatizing, but God has a plan for my brother, whether my brother wants to believe it or not. I don't believe in luck or really even coincidence. I believe in God and His plan. It strike me as odd, though, when my brother was going to x-rays and had me hold his necklace. I noticed some inscription on the back of the pendant that I think is worth noting.







I know it is hard to see. I took the picture while sitting in the emergency room on my cell phone. It is an old wheat penny and a tribal pendant that says "Protection" on the back. When he got back to the room, I pointed that out to him. I told him, "I don't believe in symbols or luck. I believe in God, but I thought this was ironic."

In response, he said, "To each his own," and he put his hands behind his head, closed his eyes, and relaxed. It seems he's still got a long way to go before he is willing to admit that God is at work in his life. The fact that he is still alive means he has another chance.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Call Back

Well, my dad called back last night, just as he said he would. I had prayed before talking to him. I talked it out with God and told Him all my insecurities about letting my dad have a bigger place in my life now, and God was really encouraging me to open my heart to my dad. I don't have to trust that my dad will always make good on his word or that he will never hurt me, but I do trust God, in that He has a plan in all of this. If I get hurt by my dad along the way, emotionally, I will just have to turn to God to heal that pain. God wants me to love others. That was one of his greatest commandments. I don't get to pick and choose who I will allow myself to love. God wants us to love others. When He said that, He didn't say we got to choose which others. In my case, "others" is including even my dad who was absent for so much of my life.

So, while I had my dad on the phone last night, I told him how proud I was of him. I am proud that he calls so often and that he has a job. He said that it meant so much to him to know that I loved him. After that we talked for awhile about God and our purposes. My dad thinks he is called to share the Gospels, which I wouldn't doubt. His dad was a pastor, so he's had the background. He said he knew a lady that was having a hard time a few weeks ago, and he helped her out. She told him he was a guardian angel, and he told her, "I don't know about that." He said they got to talking, and he had an opportunity to tell her about Jesus. It was really nice to hear him talk like that.

I also told him that he doesn't deserve to carry around all the guilt he does. He apologized, and I am ready to move on and accept the apology.

After we had talked for a little while, he said he would like to come up the first of the month and pay for the car in cash. He has already talked to someone about getting it back to Kentucky for him, so it seems this is really happening. I told my dad it seems like a huge blessing from God right exactly when we needed it most. My fiance will only have one pay check next month, and if my dad does pay us $500 for my car, it will cover almost exactly what we need it to cover. My dad said it was like a miracle that he had asked about it, and I agreed with him. Like I said, his memory is slipping, but if it hadn't been, he wouldn't have asked about it again, and I wouldn't have explained our financial situation to him. There is no such thing as coincidence when God is involved!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Second Interview

Today, on my lunch break from the bank, I had my second interview, and I must say it was fantastic, even if I don't get the job.

I walked in the door, and my high school Dean of Students was standing at the front desk on his cell phone. He smiled, and I thought briefly that it was strange that he was there. The office isn't open for business yet, not until next week. I waited possibly thirty seconds before the owner came out. She and her husband own this business together. She said, "Hi Kylie." (Yes, I told you my real name.) I felt good that she had remembered my name.

As we walked back into the office, I see another woman there. She was possibly in her seventies, and I was curious. My thoughts were wondering. "Is she another of the interviewees?" "Am I early?" "Is there still an interview going on?" "Why is this lady sitting here?" As I sat down, she didn't move, and I was already sitting before the husband and wife team. As if that wasn't enough, there was another empty chair. Yep, you guessed it. My high school Dean of Students was sitting there. I was about to go before a panel of judges!

My stomach started to knot. My hands started to shake, and my mind started to race. I was introduced to the elderly woman in the office. She was the owner's grandmother. Then my high school Dean of Students wrapped up his call and came back to sit. Oooohhh...my stomach. I had no idea I would be going in front of a panel, especially not someone that I had actually been pretty close to throughout my junior high and high school years.

Almost immediately, they start firing off questions. "If I were a customer asking about the philosophy I could expect here, what would tell me?" "If I were a customer that had been waiting ten minutes past my appointment time and said I was leaving, what would you do?" "What are your top three priorities in life?" "What do you expect to gain from us if you get this job?" "Are you comfortable multi-tasking?"

When all the questions were done, we were all still smiling, and I had made it through. I told them I was so nervous because they mentioned something about the panel and the rapid fire of questions. They said that I hid it very well, that they didn't know I was nervous at all. That felt good because inside, I was all over the place. I had talked to them about God being my first priority and my family/friends that have become family being my second. I talked to them about wanting to find my purpose and about trusting God to make the right decision about my career. We talked about so much. I even talked to them about my mom's death and how that changed my whole life, my entire perspective.

At the very end of the interview, the husband looked at me and said, "On a side note, you have a very powerful personality." I was blown away. I said thank you, of course, but he went on. He said, "No matter what you do in life, you are so honest and so powerful that you will do very well in whatever you choose to do." He spoke as if he could just feel it in his heart. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I said thank you, and I was utterly shocked. It was such a huge compliment.

Then, my high school Dean of Students looked over at me, and he said, "I don't know if this is the right time to say this, but I just want you to know that I am very proud of you." It was at this point that I started to cry. This man has seen me go through many struggles in the past 8 years of my life, and it meant a lot that he was proud of me. He continued as well, "I have seen you at odds many times in your life, and your family has been through so much." Looking to the owners he said, "She has just risen above." Then back to me he said, "I just want you to know that you should be very, very proud of yourself."

Through my tears, I whispered to him, "I appreciate that."

The grandmother said, "Don't do that, you'll have us all going." Of course, it was too late by that point. I had already opened the floodgates. The wife says something to about making a pregnant woman cry, and moments later, we were all crying and laughing at ourselves for not being able to shut it off.

The wife said, through her tears, "I really just feel like you are supposed to be here." I feel the same way. Her husband assured me they would be in contact with me by this afternoon, and I feel good about this entire process either way. I prayed this morning to God that if he wanted me in this new job, to make it happen. If he didn't, I told Him, I appreciated having the opportunity to be a part of what they were doing and getting to know them. Selfishly, I really hope this is God's plan for me, but I won't know until this afternoon.

It was very nice that we could all be comfortable enough with each other to cry with each other. I can't imagine this has been an easy road for the owners. There were probably times they didn't think they were going to get it off the ground, and now, here they are, making it happen. It is all real before them, and I'm sure, as it would be for me, that they feel a mixture of excitement and sadness. Excitement for the future and sadness that the past is over.

No matter what the outcome, I can firmly say that I will be a supporter of these people as I have grown to respect them greatly over the past few days.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hey Cosmo!

I follow a blog called "Views from the Coffee House" written by Cosmo in Dublin, Ireland. I am jealous of him for two reasons: because he gets to frequent the coffee house with the best espresso in all of Dublin and...because he lives in Dublin...So sad for me. So of course, when I was at my local Borders bookstore last night visiting with a cherished friend, I immediately thought of my fellow blogger, Cosmo when I saw this book:

This bargain just happened to make the book affordable. I am very excited because I very rarely read non-fiction. Recently, I learned that I should expand my reading library if I truly want to be a writer, and I should include some non-fiction in my library, even though I want to be a fiction author. So, here it is, and I think it is going to be very endearing. I have already read the first chapter, and I can say I am hooked and am enjoying the writing style of one Michael Gates Gill.




In other, non-coffee related news, I must report that life is going well right now. My fiance is in and out of work this month with his job going on hiatus...I mean...trying to save money and therefore closing for short periods of time. However, we are surviving, and I am becoming more hopeful that this is only going to affect this month's bills. That is a bigger blessing than I could have asked for. I really thought our whole summer would be affected by this. Also, he is interviewing for a different job next week, and if we find that it will be worth the 20 minute drive, I may be able to pursue my writing and my Etsy store sooner than I had imagined.


I am also reading "The Purpose Driven Life" right now. I am enjoying the process, and I am eager to learn God's purpose for me. I have been in prayer about keeping my eagerness and growing closer to God as I try to gain back a relationship we once had. I can't tell you how much it would streamline my life to understand God's purpose for me. I was confirmed a member of my church this past weekend, and I am 20-years-old making that decision. The rest of the confirmands were between the ages of 11 and 16. That decision weighed heavily on my heart, so I do sort of believe it was too big of a decision for young kids to make. That is just one person's opinion, though.


I am happy that I decided to become a member of the church, though. I am not thrilled about being in a denominational church because I am a firm believer that I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus and I praise Him for his sacrifice that we may all live and love a forgiving God, but I do not agree with the different "denominational" rules. I really did enjoy the simplicity of a large group of people coming together to worship God when I was in a non-denominational church. However, I feel at home in this church, and I feel called to be here. My church is about to see some very hard times and make some very difficult decisions, and I am glad to be a part of that. I am praying I can be a voice and a light for change, as I believe that is something I am being called to this church for. God has a plan, and I am just trying to follow where He leads.


So, to all my prayer folk out there, please keep me in your prayers as I seek my purpose in God. If you want to pray specifically, please pray for my patience, peace, understanding, and eagerness to endure through this process. Also, I feel as though God is really trying to teach me about focus, so keep that in your prayers as well. I have used my lack of focus as a crutch and an excuse for a long time, but I am certainly at an age to be able to control that. I think God is telling me that it is time to take control of my thoughts.


If you would like to check out Cosmo's blog, by the way, and I certainly recommend it to anyone who delights in reading someone else's interesting and sometimes fleeting thoughts, follow this link.



I also want to mention that my cherished friend and I had gone our separate ways last night. She mentioned that she had to make her rounds about the store to make sure there wasn't anything else she "[didn't] need" (her exact words, not my own!) before she checked out with her book, the one that her nephew illustrated, to the left here. I went off to the restroom, as I had practically chugged a Chocolate Coffee Crunch JavaKula from the Seattle's Best cafe. We ended up at the check out late at exactly the same moment, and she was first. As she was checking out, I walked up close, completely unintentionally, and I realized she too had picked up the above mentioned Starbucks book. I gasped and pointed out that I had the very same book. As we laughed together, she said the ever famous saying, "Great minds..." Yet, as my fiance and I walked out, he jokingly chided that he had in fact considered slipping an a "Psychotic minds think alike." How about that? What is that all about? Psychotic? Please... ... ...
He just knows me too well. :)


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

And she gave me the shirt right off her back!










The images you see before you are to prove my witness of miraculous gift giving.


Today, at my job, my day started as any other Tuesday at a bank might start in a small town. It was quiet, except for the seven stuffed-full bags our local Dairy Queen sweetly left for us in our Night Depository.


My morning came and went, and when I came back from lunch, I was suddenly stricken with the overwhelming desire to search my family history, as this is something that is growing in attractiveness to me as of late. I want to know where I am from. I want to know for certain where it all started, and I want to be able to pass that on to my own children and family some day. It is a beautiful thing to be able to sit and dream up silly dreams about your ancestors living in the very beginning stages of the 1700s.


So, for hours, I chipped away at my mother's side of the family, falling short every time. I either had names wrong, birthplaces wrong, birth dates wrong, spouses wrong...etc. I am sure you are bored just reading that list, and I assure you, it was even more tedious trying to accomplish something past my own name.


Eventually, I moved onto my dad's side of the family, and things became much easier and very much more interesting. I am officially into 1712 of my ancestor search, and I am still finding more. I proceeded to send my half sister a text message questioning our grandparents names and birth dates, and much to our surprise, we found that even our closest ancestors were not quite so educated or quite so classy.


My great grandmother, Cordie Mitchell, saw her share of men. Her first husband, Harrison Marion Latham killed a man in 1921. He then was imprisoned and later released, only to die an untimely death shortly thereafter from Tuberculosis. He was only 35, but rest assured, Dear Cordie did not stop there. She married another man, but before doing so, she had a baby.


Now I have spent all day it seems searching for this baby, whom I know to be my Grandmother. I simply cannot find her. My sister found her birth certificate today, and that was the only reason I was able to find any information about one Harrison Latham. My Great Grandmother Cordie gave her daughter, my grandmother, the last name Latham. However, Mr. Latham would have had to impregnate Cordie right on the cuff of going to prison, that is if he wasn't placed in prison immediately and he had to wait ohhhh a year or so before going to trial. Hmmm...Really, Grandma Cordie? Is that how it went down?


All jokes aside, though, I am pretty sure there was a little crossing of the bloodline the further back I get into my father's line. Who knows? It was Kentucky in the 1800s.


Now seriously, all joking aside, my workday was, obviously, pretty laid back. Between texting my sister like a mad woman and desperately searching for my incestuous ancestors, I barely broke a sweat. By the end of the day, I was ready to wrap things up, pack em' up and ship em' out. However, that was postponed shortly...yet again...by the same woman who always postpones my leaving...shortly.


I hope this woman never reads my blog because I am about to tell you the hairy truth. Normally, when this woman comes in, we all try to hold back our laughter. She is nice enough, yes. She can talk about anything and everything, and she really is quite personable. Eevveerryy ttiimmee (*long and drawn out people, come one!*) this woman comes in, her hair is a crazy mess. Her make-up is like one of those famous old ladies that puts their lipstick waaaay outside their lip lines and applies way too much BLACK eyeliner and eyebrow make-up. She always has dirt under her fingernails, and she says she has either been cleaning or in her garden.


It is perfectly understandable to be in your garden or cleaning. I personally don't prefer to ever clean, but hey, each to his own, right? What makes this situation even funnier is that she wears designer clothing to do all this in. So, long story short, she comes in looking haggard and somewhat crazy for dressing up to get dirty and grimy.


I'm done being a jerk now because after I finish this story, you will all really hate me for saying mean things about her.


Today, this woman came into the bank. Her hair was kind of messy, and her make-up was definitely crazy, but her top was very cute. She was wearing a really nice sweater over the top of her green and white striped polo shirt. The sweater happened to be knit, and because I myself am learning to knit, I simply had to ask if someone made it for her or if she bought it.


She then proceeds to remove the sweater. She says, "Well, let me show you this. I actually don't get these around here. I looked, but they don't have them. I get these when I go up to Minneapolis. Their TJ Maxx always has them."


I am standing in front of this woman, and I kindly say, in all seriousness, "It is really cute. That's kind of cool that you can only find them in Minneapolis."


She continues, so casually, and mind you, this woman doesn't know me from the mailman outside of the bank, " Oh, well tell me your favorite colors, and I'll pick one up for you next time I go up there."


Rather stupidly, disbelieving, and dumbfounded, I replied, "I really like that color green you are wearing. Fall colors. I like fall colors."


As I finish babbling, she hands the sweater over the counter and tells me to try it on. So, here's the really embarrassing part where my face begins to turn red. I hate being the center of attention, and I can guarantee you, trying on this petite woman's very nice knit sweater, knowing full well, she is probably 20-30lbs lighter than me, was enough to make me die. I couldn't just say, "Um...no I don't want to try on your sweater. Thanks." So, I proceed to try the sweater on, explaining to her that there is no way this sweater is going to fit me. "It's going to be too small," I said.


All the while, I am thinking, it's fine if it doesn't fit. If she really does pick one up for me, at least she will know that I am a little more robust of a woman than she. However, I get it on, and leave it unzipped.


"Hmm, It fits my arms comfortably," I think to myself, "but I don't want to zip this up."


Of course, I thought to soon. She tells me to zip it up, "Zip it up."


Let's all remember the label we saw a few thousand words up. Does that label not say "100% Merino Wool" on it? Oh! It does...silly me. I hate having this much attention on me, especially in the scenario of trying on clothing, that doesn't even belong to me, in front of a woman that wouldn't know me from the mailman when I walk out that door. Yes...Yes. That is perfect.


I can feel my temperature start to rise. The zipper is zipped, and I'm standing there like a mute fool, waiting for a response, and waiting to be able to rip the thing off so people can stop looking at me.


All of a sudden, she looks at me and says, "I like it. I think it looks really good. Janet? Doesn't this look good on her?" I proceed to turn around and face my co-worker, Janet, with a look of horror on my face. I am so embarrassed. I really did like the sweater. It really was comfortable. It really was very warm, and also quite cute. However, I really didn't want more eyes!


Well, of course, Janet has pretty much missed all of what is going on, and she walks over to take a closer look. She agrees the sweater looks nice. So, finally, I feel as though I can take the sweater off, but as I start to unzip it, the woman says to me, "Nope. You leave that on. It's yours. You keep it."


Talk about dumbfounded. I just complimented a woman's sweater, and she hands it over to me. What in the world? That doesn't happen! So foolishly, yet again, I stand there with my mouth gaping. I manage to say a thank you as she walks away, and she turns to me and says, "You liked it. It's yours."


Then I look down at the tag and see that it was made in Ireland! It really was perfect. Janet realizes this, too, and asks me if I told her about my engagement ring. This stops the lady in her tracks, and she comes back to my desk. I then show her my ring, explain to her that I'm Irish and I am recently engaged, and also tell her the Claddagh story that I have grown to cherish. She thought it was so sweet, and when she found out I was trying to do a genealogy of my ancestors, she offered to set me up with a free genealogy record through her church and explained that I don't even need to be a member of her church to use it. I think that sounds great because I just paid $30 to use ancestry.com!


I also explained to her why I had asked about her sweater in the first place. I told her I am learning to knit, and I have a love of things handmade. She then proceeds to say, "Oh, what am I knitting right now? What am I knitting? Oh! Leggings. You know what, I will bring you in the yarn and some needles, and they are so easy to do. You just knit one, purl one, knit one, purl one. It's great. You can make them as gifts for your family. That's what I'm doing. They're one size fits all. It's really great."


Again, this lady's kindness is astounding me. She doesn't know me. We never would have met had I not been working at her bank, and yet, here she is giving me the shirt off her back, helping me to find my ancestors, and handing out knitting supplies to a beginner knitter. I simply cannot say thank you enough. I do not quite understand the giving spirit she has, but I know she is a blessing. I know I was a jerk for laughing at her crazy hair.


This was simply the most interesting day I have had so far, working at the bank in a small town.

http://www.ibsstl.org/bible/verse/?q=Matthew25:31-46&msg=yes
Please check out this verse. After this woman left today, God was practically screaming these verses to me. I guess the truth is that I do understand her giving spirit, but I allow myself to live in fear and greed. I am afraid of losing something I worked so hard for. I guess that is proof that I am too materialistic. I always thought this lady was like that...materialistic. It just goes to show you, "You can't always judge a book by its cover."
Remember not to pass a judgmental eye on anyone but yourself. Remember to give everyone a chance to shock and awe you. Remember to enjoy life and the simple pleasures. Remember to love your neighbor.
This story proves it is still possible.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A little bit of Understanding.

MckMamma says that Stellan is a miracle no matter what. Upon reading her thoughts about her beautiful little one, I did gain some understanding that I had been praying for. God has a plan. MckMamma said that she and her husband are very happy that God chose their son for his plan. That alone is an honor. She also thinks back to her time carrying Stellan inside her and how far she has come in her faith and understanding of how God works. That is another work of God. Even in all the unsteadiness she is experiencing, she continues to convince all of us that Stellan is a miracle no matter what, still convincing us that God should still be glorified in this situation.


I realize that Stellan is a miracle no matter what. He is teaching thousands about God. His story is reaching across the nation, from CA to NY. Stellan has led many to their knees, and he will lead many more to their knees. Because of MckMamma's attitude, people will not blame God whatever the outcome. They will seek the peace she exudes. People will be drawn to God through Stellan's story and his family.


MckMamma has continually tried to convince us that miracles do not always happen the way we think they will. I agree with MckMamma. No matter what the outcome, this entire situation is a miracle, drawing people like myself closer to God in hopes of understanding his plans for our own lives and gaining trust in Him.


Thank you, MckMamma for being the blessing you are. Thank you for your unwavering faith.