Spontaneous Camping Trip

This past Saturday was a beautiful day in my neighborhood. The temperature was right around 65-70 all day. The skies were clear and blue, and it was as if nature was calling to me. So, on a whim, we decided to go camping, and the fates aligned just right. We were able to borrow everything we needed from my older brother and his girlfriend and buy food and drinks for the night. It was spectacular, and it was my fiance and my first time ever camping together. It was also my first time camping as an adult. It was just as fun and relaxing as I remember it from the few times I went with friends. I was inspired to write while I was out there, so you can read that now.


It is exactly on week before my wedding. It is 9:03 pm, and my legs are warm under my fleece sweats from the fire a few feet in front of me. The pre-Fall cool night is setting in around us as Verdict* plays on our car stereo. I am surrounded by to of my brothers, my older brother's girlfriend, and my soon to be husband...husband...husband...


How strange? Some day 20 years from now, I will look back on my life before my marriage and remember this very camp out. I will remember the nerves settling in. I will remember the excitement about having all my family together. I will remember the warmth of knowing at the end of every day, there is someone on my side, by my side, to hold my hand, to take care of me, to smile at me and kiss my forehead.


I will remember being able to camp out instead of being frantic and up to my ears in wedding planning. I will remember putting up my first tent, roasting marshmallows for s'mores, eating my first camp fire cooked hot dog, and laying under the stars, warm in my anam cara's arms (my soul mate ;o) ).


There is something magical, something enticing, something indescribable about the radiating warmth of a fire. The flames lick and hug the tree limbs almost lovingly just before burning them into nothing but a pile of forgotten ashes, permanently erasing all the growth and history that tree limb held. The heat permeates your skin leaving a tingling across your being as the coolness of night fights with it to hug you. There is a oneness with nature as the plants and animals continue their existence as if you are not even there. And the peace, oh the peace of letting the real world slip away and nature's healing set in, there's nothing like it.


I do believe this was the perfect way to spend my last weekend as an unmarried woman.




*My fiance's best man is the vocalist for Verdict. They are a little heavier than my normal taste, but these guys hold so much talent and so much passion. It blows you away every time, even if you don't normally listen to that sort of style. His best man writes most of the songs himself, as well as much of the actual music. It is an amazing skill I cannot even begin to wrap my head around.

Weekend Projects!

This weekend, I finally finished my new brights blanket. I really love it! My sister pointed out just how easy it would be to keep all the blankets we make, but we just don't have the space!



Also pictured above are the new awesome soap savers I made for me and Big T. Big T has started a blog, by the way! He's one of my followers, listed as jables1985, so check him out. I'm sure he is much different than you ever imagined.



Also, I finished up the leg warmers for my new friend in Ireland, Micki. I shipped them out today and can't wait for her to get them. I made up the patter myself. It can really only be used with super bulky yarn, though. If you'd like the pattern, just let me know. I'm happy to share, but I'm short on time here.



I had a great weekend. I spent time with all my wonderful lady friends, coming within inches of my life as I stared a semi straight in the face whilst my older, wiser sister took a left turn when it was in fact not her turn and also when I became so short of breath after a serious bout of laughter during another of our lengthy conversations about lady parts! We visited the mall and a few craft stores, made little to no actual purchases, and yet, we had a fantastic time together. I hope they are all ready for my bachelorette party in less than a month!!



Anyway, I hate to be so short with you, but for those of you attention challenged, this short post is a gift to you. You know who you are!!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Well, in my recent outburst of emotion, I have had a few new comers stop by. I am only sorry that their first impression of me was in my desperate cry for help. However, a very sweet lady actually made a purchase in my store. She bought my stitch markers!


I absolutely cannot tell you how ecstatic it makes me to know that people are looking into my store and actually liking things enough to buy them. This is truly a dream come true, a dream I truly was unsure would ever become a reality. I could honestly cry because I am so happy people have chosen to buy from me...ME! A year ago, I was just a beginner crocheter, not having a clue how I would ever use my new found skill...especially in the state I was in with uneven edges and sloppy stitches, and today, I am selling things that I have created with my own hands. It is such a wonderful feeling.


Thanks again for checking my store and following along in my blog. It feels so nice to have a support system of people who are so caring toward someone they haven't even met.

Emotional Uproar

Today my fiance was given the news that he no longer has a job...


I feel anxious...


When I found out, I cried and shook...


My stomach is all tied up in knots right now...


He's already filling out an application for a new job and planning on going to the unemployment office tomorrow...


He's ok...


I feel so sad for him...


He didn't deserve to get laid off...


He's such a hard worker. He doesn't miss days unless he's practically dying. He does what he's told and rarely ask questions. He doesn't complain. He gives it his all. He gets along with his co-workers.


It's not really his dream, though...


He doesn't really like the job, though...


It really is time for something new...


With so much change in our lives right now, I suppose it is time for that area of our lives to change as well.


I also just checked my e-mail...


I received a one line e-mail from an old friend...


She was just dropping by to say hello...


I think I will always love that friend...


I still have dreams about her and think about her a lot...


My heart is still hurt, though...


I'm still feeling a little jaded...


There's too much else happening in life right now to try to pick up the pieces...


I'm glad she said hello, though...


I'm glad she didn't try to push me...


I'm glad she kept it simple...


I'm glad she still thinks of me...


Only God knows how this will all play out...


Only God knows why both things happened today...


Only God knows...


Only God knows...


I feel better knowing...that only God knows.

A Blog Friend's Etsy Ventures!

Ok everyone, I know we are all capable of making someone feel loved through this blog-o-sphere. I have felt and witnessed many people banding together as one for many different reasons. So today, I would like us all to band together for a fun reason! My friend Marcia runs the blog Ant Knit here on blogger, as well as a few others that you can find on her blog. In the past months as I have gotten to know her just through the blog world, I have seen her great talent in knitting and crochet, and I have also been witness to her big heart. She is a very charitable lady, and if you recall, when my sister over at My Crazy Kids!! and I were participating in a charity event of our own, making up over 100 winter hats for a local children's home, Marcia actually made up some hats for us and mailed them from halfway across the country, simply out of the kindness of her heart. She really is great lady, and I'm glad to have met her.

Therefore, I would like to help her out a little bit. Marcia has joined the forces on Etsy and started her own shop. She doesn't know I'm posting this right now, but I would really love it if you would check out her blog, leave her a little love tap, and also head over to her store and she what she has to offer. I am personally in love with the Sherbet Water Bottle Sling! So, lets all band together for something fun and give a little love to Marcia over at her store Girlmama, crocheting the days away...

Have fun! Congratulations Marcia and started a new venture in life! :o)

I'm feeling an emotional downpour.

For those of you who are friends of mine on Facebook, you may have noticed my status updates have been dreary as of late. That is because I feel dreary. Over the past weekend, I witnessed so much change in my life, and I have tried to become more relaxed about change. This was all just an overload, however.

My fiance and I looked at our first prospective house. It needs a lot of work done that he, his friends, and even my sister's husband are all capable of doing and doing well. Its the home his mom grew up in, though. It is tied to the family, and for that reason, I feel a connection with it. The only real problem is our credit, though. He's asking a reasonable price for the house, though I would still like to have a professional price the house for us. We just struggled a lot last year, and we are finally getting back on our feet, raising our credit score, and my fiance is being made to work less. We were smarter this time around, though. We shut off the cable and Internet before it got to a point where we couldn't pay the bill. We want to stay on top of our financial situation instead of letting it hit us like a ton of bricks, so I guess you could say it is a learning experience.

Shortly after we looked at that house and made our pro-con list, my friend called. My friend and I have been friends since kindergarten, for 15 years. We have seen many hard times. We have experienced a few good fights, but we always came back to each other in the end. This time, I don't believe that is the case.

She and her room mate, my other friend from high school, called and put me on speaker phone. I had sent my high school friend and e-mail last Friday apologizing for the fact that I can't come see them more. I don't have a car anymore since the transmission blew up. From there, it turned into a back and forth discussion about how I apparently am not "reciprocating" their efforts to continue our friendship, how they are trying so hard to keep it alive and I just don't care. I tried to explain to them that we are just in different places in our lives right now, with me suffering such a huge loss less than two years ago, me getting married, and me wanting to start a family soon. I'm also no longer a college student, and my priorities have changed. I guess that's not allowed, though.

I was served with an ultimatum. They said to me, "We know this sounds like a terrible thing to say, but we want all or nothing." They did not want to catch up with me later in life because they acted like that was a ridiculous notion. They wanted me to come see them more than "once every two months, and we want to talk to you more than once every two weeks." I understand that they want me to call more. I could have called more than I did, but I could count on one hand the number of times my high school friend called me in the past two years. In all honesty, I expected this from my high school friend. This isn't the first time I've felt stabbed in the back by her. My 15 year friend completely threw me for a loop, though. She had just come to my house a week or two ago. We had been talking on the phone a lot, and then all of a sudden, nothing. By the time I realized she hadn't called me in awhile and thought I needed to call her, I guess it was too late. I did call her. She sounded like something was wrong, and I asked her about it. She said there was nothing wrong and asked if she could call me back later.

I have heard her use that line so many times when someone calls her and she doesn't want to talk to them. I knew I was the problem, but I just felt it was immature not to just tell me she was upset with me. I didn't feed into it, and apparently, that was the end for her. I had even sent her a text message saying I didn't believe that she was fine, and she said she didn't know what I was talking about. I told her that her voice was giving her away and when she was ready to tell me what was going on, I would be there to listen. Where in all of that does it sound like I don't care?

So for the past three days, I have been running over and over this in my mind, trying desperately to figure out where I went wrong with my 15 year friend. I thought things were going so well. I thought we were fine. I had no idea she thought I didn't care. I had no idea she felt like I didn't want her in my life anymore, and I don't feel like this was entirely her opinion. I think she was swayed by the opinion of my high school friend, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

I just feel so betrayed. I talked to another of my friends yesterday and asked her if we were still friends because as I had assumed, they have already told our other friends about this. She said she was still my friend, but she just couldn't believe I would send them an e-mail "like that. It was like you don't even care anymore." Again, I was dumbfounded, but at this point I was just angry. I asked her if she even read the e-mails and if she read the e-mails from my high school friend to me, and she said she hadn't read them. She was just told about them, but conveniently, after that, she said she was not getting into the middle of this. My intention was not to bring her into the middle of it anyway. I am just shocked that no one wants to hear my side of the story, and no one respects the fact that I am always going to be different from them.

I feel like I can't trust any of the friends I thought I had that are my own age, and it is leaving me feeling very naive and ignorant. I am feeling so much pain at the loss of my 15 year friend because we really were very close, and none of this seems fair. I wish I could understand, but a lady I know commented my status on Facebook saying something that I feel like God is really trying to reiterate to me right now. I don't think she even realized it, but she did give me much comfort.

"Not that it will make you feel any better about losing two people you cared for, I thought I would remind you that people come into our lives for different reasons. Some stay only a few seconds and some stay a lifetime. Your friends apparently served their purpose in your life, and a change was due. You are a very strong, caring, intelligent woman, and you will find a way to see the good in this when you are ready. Love ya!"

So, I guess the choice is up to me. Am I ready for this change? Am I ready to let go of my childhood? Am I really ready for all the growing up? Am I ready to follow God's plan for my life instead of my own shallow goals?

Yes. Yes, God! I am ready to follow Your purpose and find peace in it.

P.S. I want to send out a huge personal thank you to all of the ladies that stepped up to see how I was doing and offer your nuggets of wisdom. I know who my true friends are, and I know you guys will always be my security net. Thank you so much for that!

Hey Cosmo!

I follow a blog called "Views from the Coffee House" written by Cosmo in Dublin, Ireland. I am jealous of him for two reasons: because he gets to frequent the coffee house with the best espresso in all of Dublin and...because he lives in Dublin...So sad for me. So of course, when I was at my local Borders bookstore last night visiting with a cherished friend, I immediately thought of my fellow blogger, Cosmo when I saw this book:

This bargain just happened to make the book affordable. I am very excited because I very rarely read non-fiction. Recently, I learned that I should expand my reading library if I truly want to be a writer, and I should include some non-fiction in my library, even though I want to be a fiction author. So, here it is, and I think it is going to be very endearing. I have already read the first chapter, and I can say I am hooked and am enjoying the writing style of one Michael Gates Gill.

In other, non-coffee related news, I must report that life is going well right now. My fiance is in and out of work this month with his job going on hiatus...I mean...trying to save money and therefore closing for short periods of time. However, we are surviving, and I am becoming more hopeful that this is only going to affect this month's bills. That is a bigger blessing than I could have asked for. I really thought our whole summer would be affected by this. Also, he is interviewing for a different job next week, and if we find that it will be worth the 20 minute drive, I may be able to pursue my writing and my Etsy store sooner than I had imagined.

I am also reading "The Purpose Driven Life" right now. I am enjoying the process, and I am eager to learn God's purpose for me. I have been in prayer about keeping my eagerness and growing closer to God as I try to gain back a relationship we once had. I can't tell you how much it would streamline my life to understand God's purpose for me. I was confirmed a member of my church this past weekend, and I am 20-years-old making that decision. The rest of the confirmands were between the ages of 11 and 16. That decision weighed heavily on my heart, so I do sort of believe it was too big of a decision for young kids to make. That is just one person's opinion, though.

I am happy that I decided to become a member of the church, though. I am not thrilled about being in a denominational church because I am a firm believer that I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus and I praise Him for his sacrifice that we may all live and love a forgiving God, but I do not agree with the different "denominational" rules. I really did enjoy the simplicity of a large group of people coming together to worship God when I was in a non-denominational church. However, I feel at home in this church, and I feel called to be here. My church is about to see some very hard times and make some very difficult decisions, and I am glad to be a part of that. I am praying I can be a voice and a light for change, as I believe that is something I am being called to this church for. God has a plan, and I am just trying to follow where He leads.

So, to all my prayer folk out there, please keep me in your prayers as I seek my purpose in God. If you want to pray specifically, please pray for my patience, peace, understanding, and eagerness to endure through this process. Also, I feel as though God is really trying to teach me about focus, so keep that in your prayers as well. I have used my lack of focus as a crutch and an excuse for a long time, but I am certainly at an age to be able to control that. I think God is telling me that it is time to take control of my thoughts.

If you would like to check out Cosmo's blog, by the way, and I certainly recommend it to anyone who delights in reading someone else's interesting and sometimes fleeting thoughts, follow this link.

http://regularlatte.blogspot.com/

I also want to mention that my cherished friend and I had gone our separate ways last night. She mentioned that she had to make her rounds about the store to make sure there wasn't anything else she "[didn't] need" (her exact words, not my own!) before she checked out with her book, the one that her nephew illustrated, to the left here. I went off to the restroom, as I had practically chugged a Chocolate Coffee Crunch JavaKula from the Seattle's Best cafe. We ended up at the check out late at exactly the same moment, and she was first. As she was checking out, I walked up close, completely unintentionally, and I realized she too had picked up the above mentioned Starbucks book. I gasped and pointed out that I had the very same book. As we laughed together, she said the ever famous saying, "Great minds..." Yet, as my fiance and I walked out, he jokingly chided that he had in fact considered slipping an a "Psychotic minds think alike." How about that? What is that all about? Psychotic? Please... ... ...

He just knows me too well. :)