Saturday, October 3, 2009

Long, Long Day with many questions swirling my brain

So much so that I decided half way through that title that I didn't want to use punctuation and capitalization anymore.

This day started bright and early with a round of showers for the husband and I before heading off into a brand new world. Of course, being limited by my small town, I had to grab my latte at McDonald's, and yes, I am ashamed to admit that. It wasn't entirely awful, though, and on a different note, I had to boycott my local coffee shop for one day due to my utter disappointment at their lack of espresso knowledge. So, now that I have gotten that tangent out of my system, I just want to say that I am tired but wired, and full, full, full to the brim with questions and thoughts.

I did go to my Reiki workshop today, but it was much as I had expected. I want to first say that my instructor was the most loving, full of peace and joy, person I have ever met. However, our ideas on faith clashed a bit. While I can completely respect this, I cannot be comfortable inviting it into my life. I have a lot of thinking to do about this in general. Basically, her belief is that all the deities are the same. I do not agree at all. I think the exact opposite. While many religions express similar ideals and moral codes, they are not at all the same. There is only one God. I have only one Savior, Jesus Christ, and there is only one Holy Spirit, making up, ultimately, one Trinity.

However, from my instructor, I was able to see how much my heart needs to grow in love. If this woman does not even claim God as her sole creator or guide, yet she is still so full of love and life, what excuse, then, do I have? We talked today about my involvement in my community as well. I know I have expressed this before, recently, but I do not feel very involved in my church. I want to be more involved, but a big part of me is holding back. A big part of me is afraid...afraid of becoming attached, afraid of being rejected, afraid of looking young and naive, afraid of being David facing Goliath...But I know I have not been following or even seeking God's advice on this topic out of fear, and it has to stop now.

I don't feel that I made a wrong decision in going to my workshop today. I was able to learn about myself and others. I was able to honestly and openly talk about the struggles I have been having lately in my walk with God. I was able to admit to myself the areas in my life that still need some work and lots of love. I still don't feel as though I have blossomed. I feel like I need a little more rain and a lot more warm Son-shine, if you catch my drift.

So today was not a waste of time. Today was a milestone in my journey that I am still taking baby steps along. I can't say for sure yet that I am finished with my Reiki path, but I can say for sure that I am just beginning an even deeper dive into my soul search. I just hope that I can remember to take things one day at a time, breathe deeply, be love, and trust my God.


  1. It's great you had such a great day and learned so much!

  2. It's great you had such a great day and learned so much!~Valerie

  3. The workshop sounded great....I think the lady is a very nice lady, and whether you agree with her or not on things, that is not important.
    Glad that you had fun!

  4. Well, I feel the opposite. I think it is very important if we agree or don't agree on matters of faith. She was a nice lady, but I was completely distracted by the Buddha statues, Japanese statues, symbols, banners, crystals, and many other things that filled her home. It was like a blending pot of religions and world views, and I just wasn't comfortable. I was insanely distracted, and I paid a chunk of money to take this workshop and am disappointed that I don't feel any different walking away from it. I know I made it seem fine in my blog here, but I am being candid for the most part. There was a lot that I just wasn't comfortable with that I don't think is appropriate to go into on my blog.

  5. LOVE your blog - you are an awesome writer and very wise 20 year old - beyond your years. Thank you for the post. I am happy you learned so much!
    This is a quote from my boss. a very wise man from Senegal
    "To fully know and appreciate the place where you are, you must go someplace else and then return"
    Just reminded me of your experience! Keep growing

  6. You are wise beyond your years - what a great story. Here is a quote from my boss - a very wise man from Senegal - it reminded me of your experience that day -
    "To fully know and appreciate the place where you are, you must go someplace else and then return"

    Keep Growing!