Long, Long Day with many questions swirling my brain

So much so that I decided half way through that title that I didn't want to use punctuation and capitalization anymore.

This day started bright and early with a round of showers for the husband and I before heading off into a brand new world. Of course, being limited by my small town, I had to grab my latte at McDonald's, and yes, I am ashamed to admit that. It wasn't entirely awful, though, and on a different note, I had to boycott my local coffee shop for one day due to my utter disappointment at their lack of espresso knowledge. So, now that I have gotten that tangent out of my system, I just want to say that I am tired but wired, and full, full, full to the brim with questions and thoughts.

I did go to my Reiki workshop today, but it was much as I had expected. I want to first say that my instructor was the most loving, full of peace and joy, person I have ever met. However, our ideas on faith clashed a bit. While I can completely respect this, I cannot be comfortable inviting it into my life. I have a lot of thinking to do about this in general. Basically, her belief is that all the deities are the same. I do not agree at all. I think the exact opposite. While many religions express similar ideals and moral codes, they are not at all the same. There is only one God. I have only one Savior, Jesus Christ, and there is only one Holy Spirit, making up, ultimately, one Trinity.

However, from my instructor, I was able to see how much my heart needs to grow in love. If this woman does not even claim God as her sole creator or guide, yet she is still so full of love and life, what excuse, then, do I have? We talked today about my involvement in my community as well. I know I have expressed this before, recently, but I do not feel very involved in my church. I want to be more involved, but a big part of me is holding back. A big part of me is afraid...afraid of becoming attached, afraid of being rejected, afraid of looking young and naive, afraid of being David facing Goliath...But I know I have not been following or even seeking God's advice on this topic out of fear, and it has to stop now.

I don't feel that I made a wrong decision in going to my workshop today. I was able to learn about myself and others. I was able to honestly and openly talk about the struggles I have been having lately in my walk with God. I was able to admit to myself the areas in my life that still need some work and lots of love. I still don't feel as though I have blossomed. I feel like I need a little more rain and a lot more warm Son-shine, if you catch my drift.

So today was not a waste of time. Today was a milestone in my journey that I am still taking baby steps along. I can't say for sure yet that I am finished with my Reiki path, but I can say for sure that I am just beginning an even deeper dive into my soul search. I just hope that I can remember to take things one day at a time, breathe deeply, be love, and trust my God.