Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Book Review

This past weekend, while I was slowly enjoying the aisles of my local Borders bookstore, I happened upon this little treasure. At first, I saw it and continued walking. Yet, as I was just a single pace away from this book, it dawned on me just who exactly Beatrix Potter was. I stopped in my tracks and backtracked to the place where this treasure sat upon a the clearance section, even.

I was lucky enough to be able to purchase this journal of the pop-up version for only five dollars and some change. I didn't have the time to sit and read this short book until today. I was in for an adventure in being awed. This woman has an amazing story. I remember being a tiny little girl and reading her stories of Peter Rabbit. Upon finding this, my fiance told me he too remembered reading her books. We shared a definite moment of nostalgia.

I then began to explain to him that my Peter Rabbit and other Beatrix Potter books had been left at my mom's house. After she died, I never even questioned whether she still had them. To this day, I still do not know if they were shipped off to the Salvation Army, and I am sad to realize I will never have my own Beatrix Potter books back. However, my fiance says his Beatrix Potter books still exist in his mom's upstairs "library." I cannot wait to see if they are truly still there. Until then, though, I am going to check Ebay possibly, or even Etsy, to see if anyone has some vintage copies they are wanting to be rid of. I hope someday my little ones, assuming I have some little ones someday, will enjoy these purely simple pleasures as much as I did.

Also today, I was able to read a little further in 1984. I have started reading this book after it was suggested by another author I am reading. Currently, I am very interested in writing a book of my own, though I haven't the slightest idea what genre I will write in or even what my book will be about. I picked up "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing a Novel" a few weeks ago, again at my local Borders bookstore. I have been reading that regularly, and he is teaching me a vast amount of knowledge I need to know about writing a novel, and I am finding it to be very rewarding as well. I have always loved to read, and as I grow and mature, I am finding myself to be more and more interested in the classics. It is a wonderful journey to be on.

Anyway, my point was to talk about two small sections I read in 1984 today, a futuristic political novel written by George Orwell just after World War II. The first line I would like to quote is speaking about the main character of the book whom in the first 25 pages of my book is experiencing mixed emotions about "Big Brother" and his desire for individuality, which has all been all but completely thwarted out of him by the government. I found this line to be so bold and it so deeply resonates with loneliness that I simply must share it with someone. Here it is: "He felt as though he were wandering in the forests of the sea bottom, lost in a monstrous world where he himself was the monster."

This line is so strong with emotion. George Orwell could have written simply that his main character "...felt as though he were wandering in the forests..." and still made a point that this character felt alone and even somewhat lost. What really blew me away was the sequence of words just after this phrase: "...of the sea bottom..." How often do you find yourself wandering in the forest alone? Now, as I assume you do not find yourself alone in the forest often, I must ask, how often do you find yourself wandering the forest at the bottom of the sea? I can't say I have ever found myself in such a predicament.

I can only imagine a forest at the bottom of a sea. It is dark. It is cold. You cannot see farther than inches in front of you. Long, slimy stalks of seaweed are swaying all around you, their tips reaching above your head. You are afraid to move, yet you are afraid of not moving. It is an unknown world all around you.

From there, I had to dissect the rest of the phrase: "...lost in a monstrous world where he himself was the monster." This main character, called Winston, is struggling very much emotionally with the burden of his thoughts. He is not allowed to voice his opinions without being secretly arrested and having his existence completely wiped away, so he is left to muddle through his thoughts all on his own. He feels as though he is in a world that is not his own. Have you ever experienced the eerie feeling that someone is watching you, stalking up behind you? I believe this might be how Winston is feeling at this moment. However, have you ever felt that pair of eyes staring you down, following your every move, were your own eyes? Winston knows something is lurking, and that lurking thing is himself. I feel very much foreshadowing in this line alone. I predict, and please don't tell me if you know, that Winston will soon not be able to keep his emotions and thoughts bottled up inside. He will eventually have to express his thoughts and opinions aloud.

Now, I know you are probably bored with reading at this point, but if you have stuck through, I do appreciate you valuing my opinion. There is only one other section I wanted to express my thoughts about. This one is a little longer, and it is on the mirroring page of the last phrase I dissected. It is just as profound, though. Again, here it is: "He was a lonely ghost uttering a truth that nobody would ever hear. But so long as he uttered it, in some obscure way the continuity was not broken. It was not by making yourself heard but by staying sane that you carried on the human heritage."

Again, this theme of loneliness is obvious, but that is not the most profound part to me. Winston is finding some strange sort of peace in simply writing out his thoughts. This whole idea of writing his thoughts in a diary completely terrifies him, but he knows he must do it, even though it will certainly mean his death when it is discovered. At this point, I almost begin to doubt my previous prediction that Winston will eventually have to make his thoughts heard, but I still, at this point, feel as though this is a valid prediction. The peace Winston is finding in writing out his thoughts is this sanity he is speaking of. He believes, at this point, that he will not have to speak out against the government he lives under. He believes if he simply keeps himself sane, he can keep himself alive. If he speaks out, however, he will be "vaporized," wiped from the face of the earth as if he never existed at all. He will never have the chance to pass his views onto the next generation. No matter how impossible a task that seems to be, Winston still seems to have hope early in the game that he will get to pass his ideas onto the next generation. He still hopes for change.

Part of him knows this will most likely never come to pass, and I as the reader want to have hope for him. However, I don't see how he can possibly get past his overpowering meddling government.

I am certainly in for an interesting and quite thought-provoking read.

Monday, April 27, 2009

The Turkey Burgers I Promised!

To make these burgers, you will need 1 lb of ground turkey, salt, pepper, guacamole, Swiss cheese, and tomatoes. The actual recipe I found called for chilies.
Mix 1/2 tsp of salt and 1/2 tsp of pepper into the ground turkey. Make patties, and cook patties. These patties are fit to be grilled, or, like in my case, a skillet or griddle. Cook to a golden brown, about four minutes, on medium-high heat. Flip the patty. Place the chilies on top of the patty if you are using them, and place the Swiss on top of the chilies. Cook until firm.
Cut tomatoes and place on bottom bun. Cut onions, if using them, and place with tomatoes. Slather guacamole on the top bun, and place Swiss Burger on the bun.

I never knew I would like guacamole. The sandwich was fantastic, and I am thrilled to have found another thing that tastes great and makes me feel great!

Cemetery Days Bring Inspired Nights

In between the branches, there is a cast iron heart poking through. I didn't notice it until after I had taken the picture. Very sweet.

I absolutely loved this arrangement. The colors were beautiful.

This was the first stone I saw. The shape of it caught my eye. It is very interesting.

This stone had a decorative stone set in front of it. It was covered in mosaic stones, but it was broken open. Half of the stone was missing it's mosaic stones. Seeing how old this stone was, I could only imagine how old the decoration was. A part of me was intrigued, and a part me of had a dark realization. At some point after we die, those that loved us will also pass on, and eventually our graves will stop being visited until someone else comes along to snap photos of it.

Behind all of these stones is a story. Behind this stone, dated 1890, there is a 23-year-old man's story. However, I don't feel the term "man" fits well. My fiance is 23-years old, and to look at him and know this young man never lived past this age is terribly disturbing. This particular stone was taller than myself and was all granite. I know how much a red granite stone that comes up to my knees costs these days. It is astonishing to see these old stones and realize who had money and who did not simply by headstones.
This stone so simply breaks my heart.
This stone was also taller than me. It is so beautiful.

She holds her flowers so daintily.
I was astonished to see how many stones have fallen over. I am saddened by this as well. It is as if these people are officially forgotten now that their stones are no longer even being turned upright. I can not help but wonder who these people were. I am desperate to know their stories simply because they are unknown. I suppose if it were really something I had to know, I could speak with the man who is in control of the plots. I don't know that is information someone could just have, though. I kind of like not knowing as well. It allows me to envision my own story.

My whole life, I have loved to read, and I really do enjoy writing. I am taking a dive into writing professionally, now. I am researching my options and learning what it takes to become a good writer. I am very excited about this endeavor, and I especially love that my research has encouraged one thing especially: take chances. Breathe life in. You can find inspiration in all things. Today, I found inspiration in the cool breeze, the gray skies, the cold rain on my back, and the wind song from the trees.

I am well.

Here I am, sitting on my couch in my somewhat messy living room reflecting on the past week of my life.

I can't quite remember the last time I felt so down...lost...painful...sad...gone...and sick. I was so sick, but I am finally all aspects.

A friend of mine is losing her mother, and it sends me reeling into a very dark and scary world. I am at a loss as to why death can not always be peaceful and quiet...and quick. I am anxious for the impending pain, grief, loss, and sadness that will overcome my friend and her family. However, I prefer to think I can put aside my selfishness, realizing that my mom is in fact gone, but she is still always with me. I want to know I can be there for my friend even though we are still relatively new friends. I want to make my own mom proud by being strong.

I had avoided writing about this topic because I didn't want to re-visit my old foe Death. I also didn't know how to simply state how I was feeling without giving away too much information. It is a very confusing place to be in, but I am moving away from that place now.

Yesterday, I made up for a whole week of sitting in the house. We saw Disney's Earth with Big T's parents, his sister, and her boyfriend. It was fascinating. I can't say I would have ever chosen to watch it on my own, and that is simply because I worried it would be a depressing story about global warming and my foe Death running its course through the natural world. Disney, however, depicted this world that we urbanites are so unaccustomed to very well. It is a fantastic movie for children and adults. It is not in the least bit gory. You are left to assume that a creature dies in most instances, and you never actually see an animal die. I was very happy for this, and I think it is a great movie to take children to. It doesn't expose them to anything they are not ready for, but it opens their eyes to the absolutely, mind-blowing, vastness of the world around us in a fantastic manner.

There were scenes that showed multiple water falls, giant masses of water, all falling into one gaping hole. There was such an overwhelming majestic power in those waters. I simply cannot get over it. On the way home, I explained to Big T that I am amazed and terrified in the same instant upon seeing those waters. I am amazed that something so natural and bare can hold such an awesome power, and I am terrified that something so natural and bare can hold such an awesome power. It has the power to quench the world over of all its thirsts. Yet it also has the power to completely erase your existence should you somehow manage to fall in. It also terrifies me because I have no control over it. I would never in my wildest dreams get into a helicopter and fly over this mass of waterfalls for fear that the helicopter would crash into the abyss, but to see it in such splendor of the digital big screen...that was well worth the matinee price.

Big T and I both got some extremely overdue haircuts yesterday. Big T has long hair, longer than mine, and we cut it up to his shoulders. It looks so much better, healthier. It feels so nice to have healthy hair.

After our haircuts we spent a few hours using my new book, "Eat This, Not That: Supermarkets" to shop for groceries, and I have to say, we walked away with a fantastic selection of food. Tonight, we are trying turkey burgers with Swiss, guacamole, and tomato. I've been hearing lately that guacamole is a healthy replacement to mayo, and I am very curious. It looks delicious in the picture, and I think it will be delicious on the plate. I'll even take pics!

Everyone, have a good day! I am off to eat some food...real solid food!!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Still Sick

That's all.

I got up, went to work this morning and was sent home after about an hour. My face is burning up. I did throw up today, and this stupid "flu" is not going anywhere.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Sickness, Sadness, and Stitches

Hello world!!

This week as been a hellish week for me, and I have barely even been able to venture out into the world. On Monday, I came home from work and skipped the gym. My sister called me, and I cried my eyes out. I also ate myself sick on Monday.

Throughout the night on Monday into early Tuesday morning, my stomach was killing me. I couldn't sleep because I felt like my stomach was going to split. I know I said I ate myself sick, but I really didn't. I ate more than I would normally, but I in no way stuffed myself to the point of the pain I had.

I had to work Tuesday, so I woke up and got in the shower. I noticed my stomach was very swollen, though. I was just very bloated, and after taking my temperature, I decided I should call into work instead of spreading my germies. I then proceeded to lay on the couch and eat nothing the entire day. I never puked, but I felt absolutely miserable.

Today, I feel a little better. I can get up and walk around, and I ate a sandwich! I've also been drinking water and sipping 7 up. I don't work tomorrow, either, so I should be 100% back "normal" by Friday when I have to go back to work.

Also today, I have been able to make myself a new pair of fingerless mitts. I love them!

Friday, April 10, 2009

New Blankets

This is my very first ever sampler afghan. These are just the squares, but they are finally done! They only took me 3-4 weeks. I honestly can't remember now how long I worked on them because they felt like they worked up so quickly, and I was working on multiple other projects at the same time. I need to sew them together. Then there will be a border around them, and it will be done! I love it!! It even matches my living room.
This here is for a baby shower I am going to next weekend. I got the idea from a Red Heart pattern. The pattern was wrong, or possibly I read it wrong. I had half of what I should have had done on that blanket and had to tear it out because it was growing very wide at a rapid rate, though it wasn't growing in length really at all. I used the Red Heart Baby clouds for both the turtle and the blankie and I crochet the blankie to the turtle. It turned out so adorable and soft. I absolutely love it!

Here it is laid out across my table. I hope this little guy's mommy loves it too. I am going to try my luck at a pair of baby blue booties this weekend, hopefully. I would also like to make some bibs in a really fun pattern I found. The bibs have goofy monster faces on them, and they are adorable! Then I will stop trying to make everything in the world for this little guy and move onto other projects. I can't say what they are because they are gifts for two of my blog readers for birthdays, but I really really hope they turn out!
Have a nice weekend, and Happy Easter to all!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Womanhood...Or so it seems.

Today, April 8th, 2009, I finally feel like a woman. I finally feel like I can stand on my own. I finally feel like my mom will always be near. I finally see why she was so paranoid. I finally have gained even the most minuscule amount of understanding into her world. Today, I had an epiphany, and I am confident.

My mother loved me so much, she gave me the best possible life she could give with limited resources. She shielded my heart from pain as much as she could. She taught me about right and wrong. She taught me about trust, how quickly it can vanish and how hard it is to attain, yet how important it is to have, even if only in a select few chosen people. She taught me about life.

My mother set me up to live this life I am living. God guided her in raising me. God guided her mightily. He made sure I had all the necessary tools I needed to hold true to my promise to her in the last seconds of her life. I told her I could be an adult. I told her I would be ok. I told her it was ok for her to go, so she wouldn't have to be sick anymore. She trusted me.

Not only did she trust me, she had faith in me. She knew she had given me all the tools I needed to become a young woman...I just didn't know it. I didn't trust myself.

I know my mom is dead, but she has everlasting life. I know she is no longer physically before me, but she is always close by. I know my relationship with my mother is not the same as it was before. I know it will never be the same as it was before. It is stronger now. I know my mother had a plan for me. I know my Father has plans for me. I know my mom will get to live to see those plans because my mom has everlasting life.

My mom not only trusted me and believed in me, but she left me with a wonderful big sister.

"If I was two years older, I could be Mom, and you could be me."

I may not get to have the best friend relationship with my mom that I feel I should have gotten, but I get to have the best friend relationship with my sister that many sisters never have. I will never be able to forget my mom because of my sister. I will never feel like I didn't get to know my mom because of my sister. I will never be alone...because of my sister. I will always have someone to turn to because of my sister.

Long before I was ever conceived...before my sister was ever conceived...before my mom was ever conceived, God had a plan. He saw three beautiful, strong, confident, crazy women. He saw a cycle begin. He saw wisdom. He saw caring. He saw something different. He saw my mom, my sister, and myself, and He saw our lives.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Acts 17:11

God knows my future. He has plans for me. God will guide me and my family to prosperity. God wove all of this together, and God is putting the pieces of the puzzle into place.

My mother was a beautiful woman. My sister is a beautiful woman, and I...I am becoming a beautiful woman.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Do You Suppose?

If I asked God real nice like, do you suppose he would allow me to stop dreaming about things I don't want to dream about at night? Do you suppose there might be a list I could submit names of people I do not want to dream about and God will just put up a firewall in my brain or a spy ware program to keep them out? I think it is worth a shot...

In crafty news, I finished the turtle I was crocheting, and I attached a blankie to him. He is going to be a snuggle buddy for a little boy. The blankie only has nine rows of double crochet right now, but he is coming along so quickly. I can't tell you how excited I am about this little guy. Actually, he is not a little guy at all. He is a giant turtle, life size actually. He is so soft and fuzzy. My fiance thinks I should make one for him. HA! Do you think he has deep rooted issues in his early childhood years and that is what makes him regress there so often? I do literally mean so often, but I guess it is a quirk I love...sometimes...Sometimes it is a quirk I want to kick out of him.

I have put a hold on my own personal afghan, but I only have 1 and 1/2 more squares to make. Then I get to whip stitch them all together and put the border on them! It is going to be so pretty. It is also giving me tons of ideas about other stuff I want to crochet.

I do have a question, though. I need your opinions, and I need to spill my guts about what a jerk I have been my whole entire life! My Grandma's birthday is the 15th of this month. I got to thinking about it, and I don't believe I have ever gotten my Grandma anything for her birthday, let alone called to say "Happy Birthday, Grandma. I love you!" My whole life, my Grandma and I have not been very close, but I do feel sad for her. She is widowed now, and I live just a block away from her. Yet I rarely see her. She doesn't drive, either. So, I was thinking that for her birthday, I should go pick her and her little dog (Sammy) up and bring them back to my place, cook her a meal, and hang out with her. I would love to make her something, but I only have about a week to have something made. I do work the day of her birthday, but I am off work the day before. I could just pick her up and make a "day" of it on the 14th.

Now for all you other crafties out there, is there a quick simple project I could make my Grandma, whom is also a crocheter and has plenty of afghans? Also, is this something that Grandma's would like, having one of their grand kids come pick them up and cook for them?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Yet Another Drumroll Please

I got my wedding dress this weekend!

The entire process was quick, easy, and painless. The girl that helped us was very nice, and she didn't pressure me to buy anything. I only tried on one style of dress, but for the rest of the appointment, I tried different colors of sashes. I finally settled on "cognac" according to David's Bridal's color pallet. I call it bronze. Ha ha.

Anyway, it is a strapless, white, satin, A-line dress. It is just poofy enough, and it has a train! If any of you saw my blog last month or so I posted a picture of the dress I thought I wanted, but it didn't have poof or a train. This dress really feels like a wedding dress. I feel comfortable in it. I feel beautiful in it. It fits all my curves the way a wedding dress should. It is tight enough that it doesn't move, so I won't be pulling up my dress all night. It is simple, but the girl who helped us let me try on a tiara, necklace and earrings that all have flair to dress it up. I even tried on a veil, and I loved wearing the veil!

Here is a link to the actual dress that I purchased and brought home this weekend. Once you are there, you can click on the color "cognac" from the color pallet to see the actual sash I will be wearing.

The bridesmaids dresses are going to be green. They won't be quite this color of green, but the color of the bridesmaids dresses and the color of my sash looks absolutely wonderful together. It all still ties into the Fall theme that I want, and I am even thinking I might be able to use sunflowers in my bouquets! It will match the theme because sunflowers grow in the late summer, early fall. Sunflowers would actually be really pretty, and my mom would have loved them.

In other news, Big T's job will be closing for two weeks in the middle of the summer as well as cutting them down to four days a week, 8 hours a day and no overtime. All I can really say about this is that it is out of my hands and the $100 we've been managing to save toward our wedding every month is not going to happen anymore. We will get it all figured out, though. God has blessed us to this point, and I have faith that He will continue to teach us and mold us. It is all part of His plan, I guess, and I am trying to learn to accept that.

On my crafting front, I am making a baby blanket for the little boy baby shower that is in two weeks. It's one of those snuggle blankets that has a stuffed animal attached to it. This one has a big turtle attached to it. This weekend, I accomplished getting the top of the shell, bottom of the shell and head done. Tonight, I need to do some laundry, maybe a load or two, and I am hoping to at least finish the legs and sew the body together. Maybe I will even be able to start stuffing the little guy! It really is an adorable blanket. There will be pictures as it comes along.

And for a little insight...My sister said to me, "It has got to be surreal for you to have your wedding dress in the back of my car right now." It is surreal, but it is also very exciting. I feel as though I mature every day. I get less mad or upset over the little things, and I thoroughly enjoy the quiet moments in life, the simple moments. For example, when I was pulling away from my sister's house yesterday, my little niece M was sitting in the window. As soon as she saw me she started waving, so I waved back smiling. After I had got in the truck, I rolled down the window to see her still sitting, staring out the window, so I waved some more with a huge smile on my face. Then I started to blow kisses. She watched me for a few seconds, and then she melted my heart by blowing kisses back. Besides the obvious excitement over having my wedding dress, my heart just floated the rest of the day because of her sweet little gesture.

I think at some point, as I told my sister, I will feel sad that my mom wasn't there when I got my wedding dress, but really, she was there. She was there in it all helping me to feel happy and relaxed instead of anxious and upset. She was there when I saw how much I loved green and bronze instead of all brown. She was there when I realized sunflowers would be beautiful with the bridesmaids dresses. In all of my happiness, I know she was there.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Dream Therapist

I wish I knew a dream therapist. I will recap my dream for you from last night/this morning.

I dreamt I was living in a huge, old Victorian house with my mom and my younger brother. I think my fiance and older brother lived there as well. My cat I own now lived there as well as the cats we had in my childhood. My late childhood dog lived there as well, and there were two new dogs there. (I have much attention to detail, as you can tell.) All of the animals were hanging out in the basement. (I use that term "hanging out" because no one was forcing them to be there. They all just congregated there.) My mom was washing dishes, and there was a big window in front of the sink for her to look out of. I don't remember seeing anything out of the window. I was seven months pregnant and completely obsessed with touching my belly to make sure my baby was still in there. I remember he felt tiny.

I walked into the big living room. I don't remember seeing furniture. I just walked over to the window, a big open window, and looking out. When I looked out, I was shocked to see water all the way up to the bottom of the window. The window was somewhere around 7-10 feet up. I panicked a little bit and jogged back to the kitchen. The kitchen was the other side of the house, and I actually looked through the window and saw water all the way up to the window sill on this side of the house as well. I really started to panic at this point. I yelled for my older brother, and he came to look. When I asked my mom what we should do, she told me to go start opening all the windows. I was completely dumbfounded. I was about to say to her, "If I open all the windows, all the water will come inside. Why would I open all the windows?!" I didn't get a chance to say anything, though because out of the corner of my eye, I saw a giant wave getting ready to crash into the house. I didn't even move. I just watched it come barreling in and shake the house to its core.

After that, my mom turned around and continued doing dishes as if she was completely oblivious to the fact that these waves were about to make this entire situation very dangerous. From there on, the waves started to hit the house on each side in succession. Hit the front...hit the back..., and the house started to rock. I could literally feel being swayed back and forth as the house rocked. I yelled out, "The house is going to crumble!" My mom looked at me, and it finally clicked with her that this was dangerous. Right at that moment, the back right corner of the house cracked, and we knew the foundation had been ripped out. All of a sudden, we all knew instinctively what we had to do. My mom yelled jump just as the last wave hit the back side of the house, and we all jumped out the back door. Suddenly, as we jumped out and all landed on our feet in the yard The house collapsed in on itself but only in the middle. It was a giant house. There were three sections, like a castle almost, but it was all made out of wood. It was so old and Victorian. The shutters were a beautiful pastel green.

As soon as the house crumbled, I yelled, "Chloe!" (Chloe was the dog we had in my late childhood. We had to get rid of her after Mom died.)All the animals had been in the basement, but miraculously, they made it out alive, as only animals could. My mom, my older brother M, and I were standing in the back yard, and it was completely soaked. We were in shock, and there were hundreds of bystanders watching in horror.

None of the rest of the town was flooded.

No one else's house was ruined.

I looked around, and my younger brother was standing in the front yard staring at the house with his mouth hanging open. The middle of the house laid flat, and he could see us from the front yard. The water was gone.

I was completely confused. All I could think about was all the stuff that had been in the house. All of everything I owned had been in the part that collapsed. I started to wonder if we would be able to salvage anything, if we could just remove the debris carefully enough to salvage everything I owned.

I remember wondering what was going to happen to me and my baby now that we had nothing.

Then I woke up, completely confused.


I have a massive headache.

I feel like there is a brick on my face.

I think my fiance is a total, complete and absolute moron today.

I am not speaking to my fiance today because I don't want to say something I will regret later.

I don't feel like going into details here. He hasn't screwed around or done anything major. He just behaved stupidly and foolishly.

I spoke six words to him this morning as he was laying in bed not going to work: "This will not be happening again."

I do not put up with crap or stupidity.

I think my fiance is a total, complete and absolute moron today.

How's that for pessimistic? Was it worth it? Have fun with your headache today...MORON!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

New Projects

Well, recently, I have been without a computer at home because it was infected with a stupid Trojan virus. Luckily, I know a handful of techy guys, and I was able to get it fixed for free. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am for the man that fixed it because I am a moron when it comes to computers (among other things). I am at work now, but I will eventually remember to take my computer from my sister's house. It will be strange to finally have my own computer back because it has been gone for nearly five or six days now!

Anyway, onto the point of this blog. The picture above is of a new dress I made for one of my tiny nieces. It isn't actually long enough to be a dress, though because I didn't have her measurements, but it is adorable paired with some little jeans. I just need to sew the straps down and sew in my loose strands of yarn and it will be finished. I can't wait to get a picture of her actually wearing it. I tried it on her little sister, too, and I will be making one for my other tiny niece in orange, yellow and white. They are absolutely adorable.

A week later I have finally received my purchase from the JoAnn's website, and I can continue on with my first real afghan. It is coming along beautifully, and I have never felt so confident crocheting as I do now. I can finally call myself and intermediate crocheter! When I get a few more squares done, I will lay them out and take a picture of the ones I have and leave gaps for the ones I don't have done yet.

I also have a baby shower coming up in about two weeks as well as two birthdays coming up in about three weeks. I am curious to see what kinds of things I can make for these people, and I think it is high time to bust out some of my scrapbook gear for the first time in over a year to make some birthday cards! I can't wait. I have been itching to get into my scrapbook stuff recently. For some reason, nice weather makes me want to open up all the windows and scrapbook all day! Ha Ha I know I am quite strange, but I don't really enjoy the outdoors all that much. Nice weather also makes me want to shop! That's a bad deal... I just hope I have enough crafty stuff to keep me away from the stores for a little while. ;o)

In recent wedding news, I am continuing to have mental breakdowns. I am really afraid of getting married for very many reasons. I am afraid of divorce. I am afraid either of will not be happy. I am afraid of changing, that one or both of us will change or fall out of love with each other. I am afraid of needing my mother more than I already do only to be let down by the fact that she is gone. I am afraid of having children. I am afraid of losing my future husband to disease after we already have children. I am just afraid of what the future could hold. I am pessimistic by nature. (I was told yesterday I worry too much, and I replied, "It's in my stupid DNA.") Don't get me wrong. I am excited and joyous to spend the rest of my life with someone, especially this someone, but I am afraid that it won't be the rest of my life.

Last night, I asked my fiance to promise me that we will always be creative and have fun and that he will never let me stop dreaming and having goals. That is my biggest fear about getting married. I am afraid that I will settle into a lifestyle that I am way to young for and that I will never see the world. I want to see the world, and I would love to see the world with my future husband. I just don't want to ever stop having goals and reaching goals. Being the type of person I am and having a supportive fiance like I do, I don't think that will ever happen. I think we will always be reaching for something.

I told him also that I want to have stories to tell when we are the two old people sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. He said I could tell the stories because he wouldn't remember anything in his old age...That's a laugh! I can't remember anything in my young age. Do you think maybe I will progressively get a better memory instead of a worse one? Maybe I am a miracle waiting to happen. ;o)