Monday, April 27, 2009

I am well.

Here I am, sitting on my couch in my somewhat messy living room reflecting on the past week of my life.

I can't quite remember the last time I felt so down...lost...painful...sad...gone...and sick. I was so sick, but I am finally all aspects.

A friend of mine is losing her mother, and it sends me reeling into a very dark and scary world. I am at a loss as to why death can not always be peaceful and quiet...and quick. I am anxious for the impending pain, grief, loss, and sadness that will overcome my friend and her family. However, I prefer to think I can put aside my selfishness, realizing that my mom is in fact gone, but she is still always with me. I want to know I can be there for my friend even though we are still relatively new friends. I want to make my own mom proud by being strong.

I had avoided writing about this topic because I didn't want to re-visit my old foe Death. I also didn't know how to simply state how I was feeling without giving away too much information. It is a very confusing place to be in, but I am moving away from that place now.

Yesterday, I made up for a whole week of sitting in the house. We saw Disney's Earth with Big T's parents, his sister, and her boyfriend. It was fascinating. I can't say I would have ever chosen to watch it on my own, and that is simply because I worried it would be a depressing story about global warming and my foe Death running its course through the natural world. Disney, however, depicted this world that we urbanites are so unaccustomed to very well. It is a fantastic movie for children and adults. It is not in the least bit gory. You are left to assume that a creature dies in most instances, and you never actually see an animal die. I was very happy for this, and I think it is a great movie to take children to. It doesn't expose them to anything they are not ready for, but it opens their eyes to the absolutely, mind-blowing, vastness of the world around us in a fantastic manner.

There were scenes that showed multiple water falls, giant masses of water, all falling into one gaping hole. There was such an overwhelming majestic power in those waters. I simply cannot get over it. On the way home, I explained to Big T that I am amazed and terrified in the same instant upon seeing those waters. I am amazed that something so natural and bare can hold such an awesome power, and I am terrified that something so natural and bare can hold such an awesome power. It has the power to quench the world over of all its thirsts. Yet it also has the power to completely erase your existence should you somehow manage to fall in. It also terrifies me because I have no control over it. I would never in my wildest dreams get into a helicopter and fly over this mass of waterfalls for fear that the helicopter would crash into the abyss, but to see it in such splendor of the digital big screen...that was well worth the matinee price.

Big T and I both got some extremely overdue haircuts yesterday. Big T has long hair, longer than mine, and we cut it up to his shoulders. It looks so much better, healthier. It feels so nice to have healthy hair.

After our haircuts we spent a few hours using my new book, "Eat This, Not That: Supermarkets" to shop for groceries, and I have to say, we walked away with a fantastic selection of food. Tonight, we are trying turkey burgers with Swiss, guacamole, and tomato. I've been hearing lately that guacamole is a healthy replacement to mayo, and I am very curious. It looks delicious in the picture, and I think it will be delicious on the plate. I'll even take pics!

Everyone, have a good day! I am off to eat some food...real solid food!!


  1. Glad u r better. Getting out and about will help you feel better. It is also great that big t is so supportive. Keep your head up high. Luv ya

  2. For the record, and before I read any more, she said you can call her any time! Jaime, that is.

  3. I really like guacamole, but I don't know if it is a taste that everyone enjoys? I guess you are about to find out!