Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Is there not a fire around all of us?
We are trying frantically to get out.
We know this is killing us.
We know we need to find a different way.
We are suffocating.
It's just to hard to go on.
Where is everyone?
I need someone to help me.
Why would they leave me when I need them the most?
We lay down.
We accept our fate.
It hurts...
But it will all be over soon.
-In Memory of Madisyn Moore and Shanna Radakovich

Sometimes life can feel so overwhelming that I just want to give up. Today sort of feels like one of those days. I feel as though I envision someone else's sorrow so much and imagine how exactly I would feel if it were me in their place that I end up feeling as though I had gone through their exact situation. Today, I am exhausted. I couldn't tell you what I dreamt about last night, but I woke up thinking about Madisyn and Shanna. I didn't know these girls, but I can't stop my imagination from running, thinking about their lives, their friends, their thoughts, what they wanted to do in life, what they had been talking about at their sleep over, any angle my head comes up with. I feel sick with grief, for their mothers especially.

This past week, I have heard of four deaths in this small community. People are going to die every day, people all over the world. There is nothing I can do to stop that. However, I deeply wish that I could stop the amount of pain that results from the trauma of a death. No one deserves to live with the questions, the guilts, the what ifs, and no one deserves to feel so helpless and worthless as they sometimes do when they lose someone.

Today, my soul sits inside my body, weeping for those that are about to experience some of the most tumultuous times of their lives. I wish I could join my soul in the abyss that is inside me, but I have to keep moving, if for nothing else, than for fear of losing myself again.


  1. death is cruel. I'm sorry for your community and for you personally.

  2. The pain of the mother being right outside the house knowing that the girls are down there.....cant get to them. Then the girls...they need help and no one can get to them. You expressed it very well....I had huge tears reading that. As like momma b I am right there with ya, exhausted, why, the pain.....death IS cruel!

  3. you expressed it very well...u have a way with words always...the pain is awful for us, can't even begin to imagine how they if u ever need to talk...

  4. These girls are now are new angels in heaven. One was a 2nd cousin of mine. They will be remember. Bless the families of both girls.. becasue both families lost one close to them