Monday, February 9, 2009

Baby Dreams

Last night, I had one of those dreams. In my dream, I had gone from being very pregnant to having the baby in a school to living in what seemed like a prison with all of my *dream world* family. Here is how this all played out, as I remember it anyway.

I was walking around very pregnant, huge belly. Then, all of a sudden, I was confused. I could not remember how far along I was, and as I was trying to calculate in my head how long it had been, my water broke. That was so vivid. It felt like I had just peed my pants. (I'm lucky I didn't really pee my pants, as I have dreamt before of peeing and peed in the middle of the night.) I wasn't in any pain, though. I was just terrified of what was to come. (I'm assuming I wasn't in any pain because in real life, I have never had children, so I wouldn't know how the pain felt to dream about it.) Anyway, I end up having the baby right where I was, in a huge college that was all new, clean, lots of windows, very modern looking. After having the baby, it was as if I suffered amnesia. I didn't remember having the baby or any events surround its birth.

Later that night, I went to bed in what seemed like a cell. Every room was a relatively small brick room, and the doors locked from the inside. No one could come in from the outside unless you had let them in. I don't remember what my room had looked like, and I didn't have my baby with me. I just went to sleep. I knew Big T was supposed to have the baby, though, and before I dozed off to sleep, I remember being scared he would roll over on the baby or let the baby roll off the bed.

The next morning, I woke up, and went straight to a room I knew my baby would be in. He was being taken care of by my mother in law *the dream world mother in law*, and I remember feeling shocked that she had taken care of him all night and allowed me to sleep instead of waking me up. She buzzed me into her room, and I took my baby and held him for the first time. He was so long and chubby, as if he were months old already. His hair was blond and his eyes were blue, and I remember feeling kind of sad that he didn't have red hair like me. He was so beautiful, though, so healthy and smiley. His skin was so soft, and his cheeks were so round. He looked at me as if he knew I was his mommy, and I could not get enough of having him in my arms.

I didn't see Big T in that dream after that. My dream world family and I were going to go out and walk around, enjoy the fresh air. I hadn't named my baby yet because I had loved the name Mason, but it didn't seem right for this baby. We just kept looking around aimlessly for things that would be the perfect name for this wonderful baby. However, my dream world family was all Hispanic. My husband was a Mexican boy I had gone to school with. His parents *in my dream* were so excited and enthusiastic about helping with the name, but I didn't like anything they chose. They never got offended, though. They just kept trying. The whole time, I was just thinking that there had to be some way I could include the baby's *fake* Hispanic heritage in his name. I was trying to ask them if there were some Spanish word I could name my baby. (I think this might have come from my sister's baby name. It is the Spanish word for table, but it's awesome as a name.)

All the while, none of my real life family is there, but a family friend, Desiree is there walking with us. Her sister, Dusti showed up on her bike, too. We had to chase her down, though, because she couldn't hear us when we were trying to yell to her. She had missed us and was riding right by us. I don't remember if we ever caught up to her. (That is probably reflecting the fact that the last time we really talked, we got in an argument, and I haven't talked to her in about two or three weeks. I've been wondering lately if that is how a friendship will end, over something petty.) Anyway, the whole group is walking, and we end up in this run down shack looking for something that is going to lead us to the baby's name. It's really a disgusting place, rats and garbage. All of a sudden, though, I turn around and see a bag lodged between the crack in the wall that says Italy on it. It is as if everything else around me disappears in that moment, and I knew Italy was my baby's name. It was perfect for him because it displayed how beautiful I thought he was and how much my heart longed for him. I had decided that even though it was a completely out of the ordinary name, his nickname could be Itty.

After that, the whole family agreed, as if they had a choice in it anyway. We left the nasty little shack and began walking back home. I remember looking down at my baby, and I was going to tickle him but my hair had brushed across his face. He had just laughed and giggled. I kept doing it because his little giggle was the best sound in the world. At that moment, though, I suddenly realized I had no pictures of my entire pregnancy, no camera footage of the labor and delivery, and I had not even taken pictures of my precious baby to send to my real family. He was already days old, and no one would get to see what he looked like as a new born.

That is all I remember from my dream, but the love I felt for that baby, for my baby, was so strong. It was like a magnetic pull. I needed to be wherever he was.

Oh yeah! I do remember one other insignificant fact. When we got back to our prison like home, I started wondering about when the baby had eaten because I had planned on breastfeeding my baby. I knew I hadn't done that, so I was worried if he had already had a bottle, he wouldn't take to breastfeeding. That was the last thing I thought before the dream ended.

I have some ideas about the analysis of this dream, but I would really enjoy hearing all of your comments about it. Maybe you can help me reveal something I hadn't seen. If not, I hope you at least enjoyed the Soap Opera that is my dream.

1 comment:

  1. I thought you told me the baby's name was Italy? Where did Itty come from, or did I see in wrong when we were talking about it earlier?

    Either way...

    I think you had your baby in school, because you are unsure of what you want in life, due to the fear that it will ruin your life and child's life by default, if you don't choose to finish school first.

    Maybe, you are also afraid that you might somehow be sentencing yourself to a life of being trapped, if you do choose to have a child.

    It sounds like a lot of conflict, but my favorite part is that all of your "Latin Lovers" from work are invading your subconscious! HILARIOUS!!!

    Hey, I forgot to tell you that when we were at the mall the other day, I saw a picture thing in a window for a baby girl born in March last year and her name was Mesa! COME ON! I told S that they saw my baby's name in the paper and swiped it! I looked that name up on the Social Security web site and it said less than 150 per year get this name! It is extrememly rare in the US. I always feel like I like something and then everyone else likes it too! I was really pushing for original here!