I know in some of my blogs recently, I have been sharing with you all some of the desires of my heart, some of my desires to get married and have children of my own. Recently, though, I have been reminded of infant fatalities and people losing their babies. I know I have never experienced motherhood or pregnancy for that matter, but my heart strings are really pulled at the thought of losing a baby. I want a baby so badly, and I at least have the understanding of that desire to have a baby, that I can only imagine how crushed I would be if something happened to my precious baby, the baby that I wanted so much. Along with that, I am also reminded of how many women can not have babies. That too is heart wrenching. I cannot imagine, and I hope I never will have to experience having my desire to have a baby of my own crushed. I have an immense desire to be some one's mother, to hold their hand as they learn to walk, to coddle them when they cry out in pain, to kiss their scrapes when they fall, and even to become utterly frustrated with them when they hate me as teenagers, just so long as I get to live long enough to see them grow and mature into adults, knowing what a large part I played in creating them.
I have not only been reminded of losing infants. I have been reminded of losing mothers, fathers, friends and siblings. Sometimes in my life, when I have not consciously thought of my mom and the loss I experienced, God discreetly begins to remind me that it is OK to think about how much I miss her. I love that I can be a shoulder to cry on for so many others that lose their loved ones, and I love that I can let other people know they are not alone. That does not mean that I should forget my own pains.
In my own ideal dream world, everyone would get to live a long, healthy, prosperous life. They would get to know God and know their place in Heaven is secured. Then, when their life has been lived to the max, they could pass peacefully into another state of being with their Father. Their family could all be around them, and that person would remain conscious and alive until every family member that needed to be there had the opportunity to be there and say goodbye. That person could pass on their advice and love to those they cared for, and there would be no pain in dying. We could then celebrate this person's wonderful, healthy life and continue in our own lives knowing we would see them again soon.
I do apologize if I have stirred up sadness in any of your hearts, but I want to remind all of you to allow yourselves to feel the pain when it needs to be felt. Please do not ignore it and expect it to go dormant. My heart goes out to you all, and please remember that you are not alone.