Friday, March 20, 2009

Academic Update

I have finally made a decision for myself.

I know this doesn't seem like a big feat, but for me, it truly is. As of earlier today, I am officially withdrawn from my classes! Part of me is excited, and part of me is very nervous. If I ever stop taking my herbal crazy pills (St. John's Wort for those of you fain to follow my blog regularly) I may be very anxious about the decision.

I am excited to have more time to devote to my crocheting and my house. I am excited to not feel the constant pressure of doing well and meeting demands. I am excited to explore the world around me, and I am most excited to continue learning about myself and my friends and family.

I'm nervous because for the last nearly two years of my life, I have identified myself as a college student, using school to validate myself, thus explaining the reason I have not felt good about myself in quite some time. I am nervous to create my own real identity instead of a generic mold of an identity. As I stated above, I am also excited about this. I am nervous about getting started on paying off my student loans, though I know they are reasonable and work with your budget.

I am excited to give my full attention to planning my wedding and a wonderful, relaxing honeymoon.

I'm nervous that I will never be able to decide what I want to do.

I'm excited to relax and do things that make me happy.

I'm nervous about what people will think. I'm nervous I will grow more distant from my friends as I embark on an even different lifestyle from them. I'm nervous I won't understand their world anymore and they may not understand mine.

I'm excited to have such wonderful, supportive friends and family around me in this time of trial and error.

Besides all of those mixed emotions, I am thrilled to be going out tonight with my sister and some of our friends! We are going to pick up the Twilight movie, and I think I might just be able to justify buying that as well as the yarn to make a very pretty crochet sampler afghan. There will be pictures to come, but tonight is going to be a wonderful time full of window shopping and what I'm sure will end up being lots of entertainment for us and those who happen to be standing too close. ;o)

1 comment:

  1. Whew! I sure am glad you aren't crazy any more! Right? Oh, I thought that is what you were trying to say? Hmmm...