1) I found today, that if I write my notes in cursive, I am forced to focus. I am normally a regular print writer, and if you were to witness my cursive writing, you may, like my sister, taunt me for having "chicken scratch" writing. You might also begin to realize that my onset of adult ADD or ADHD runs very deeply. ;o)
2) I lay awake at night pondering crazy things because my brain never shuts off. A few nights ago, I realized my bedroom has been a pig sty for as long as I can remember. You can never see the floor of my bedroom. Of course, I love to see it clean, and I love the ease of finding things when you don't have to dig for them. However, I began to wonder if I don't leave my bedroom an absolute pig sty as a sort of defense mechanism.
You see, I am the spawn of a very paranoid woman, and all of her paranoia is either being channeled into me, or it is slowly rearing its ugly head through my genetics. If I am ever studied, I will let you know which. However, I absolutely hate, despise, feeling vulnerable. I often have twisted day dreams of being abducted, telephone wires snapping as I walk under them, bridges collapsing as I drive under them. I know I have not yet reached full insanity yet because I am still aware that these things are not normal thoughts a normal person might have.
Back to my original thought, though, I realized that being asleep puts me in a very vulnerable state. If a robber came into my home, they could easily capture me because I sleep like a rock, when I do sleep. Therefore, if my bedroom is an absolute pig sty, the robber would either trip and die before he could get to me, or he would get grabbed by something in one of the underneath layers of clothing and what not and get pulled in, never to be seen again. In this case, having a very messy room helps me to sleep better at night. Because I like to keep the rest of my house very clean, vacuumed every two days, everything in its place and what not, a robber would never expect a dirty bedroom. They would be blindsided, and that, my friends, is the ultimate goal.
3) In this past week, I have not been able to take a shower without wondering if my recently passed neighbor is floating around peeping at me. This is not in any disrespect at all. I am still deeply disturbed by his death, but I cannot get that thought out of my mind every time I step into the shower. Before passed, I had always imagined Death sneaking into my shower when my eyes were closed during my regular shampoo. I rarely close my eyes in the shower any more...
4) I am very afraid of the dark. Not so much the dark itself as the possibility of finding something staring back at me in the dark. Once the lights are off, my eyes stay closed. I am terrified that if I look into the darkness, I will see someone or something staring back at me, and my poor, unstable mind simply cannot handle a scare of that sort.
5) You will never find me visiting a bog or swamp. They are utterly creepy. All I can imagine is dead people slowly, creepily, crawling up out of them to get me and pull me under with them. I will just steer clear of water I cannot see through. Plus, those white trees that jut up out of the unclear, dead people water remind me of death. They are eerie to look at, so I don't like those either.
6) Many of these fears are the reason I refuse to watch scary movies. Whether or not a scary movie is realistic, I will have it set in my mind that it can and will happen to me. I finally realized this little issue around the age of 13 or 14, and that is when I decided it was safer for my sanity to watch happy things.
Last night, I absolutely could not sleep at all. I felt the overwhelming need to tell all of my fellow bloggers and subsequently the world of my quirks. I just felt as though you all deserved to understand what you might be getting yourself into before you actually, truly decided to follow a crazy woman's blog. I hope my mother is satisfied with what she has past on to future generations. I know she finds it absolutely hilarious, and I can guarantee you, if I ever dare to look into the darkness, she will be the one jumping out and staring back at me...
ok so I am not the only one with a mind that just wont shut off. extremely exhausted my mind still wonders and i have not found the off switch yet. Also...more in common, my bedroom is such a mess and pretty much all the time. There are times where i do pile things in my desk chair so i can atleast see my side of the beds floor...but doesnt last long cause someone gets on the computer and throws it back on the floor. Now the rest of my house is like you said so organized, somewhat spotless, and every thing in its place. So who would think we had messy bedrooms??!!!! Oh yeah its so we dont get taken...they couldnt get us! Ok another...I am afraid of the things in the dark too. Not the darkness just the things in it. Although I do occationaly want to watch a scary movie but then wish I hadnt cause then i start thinking things could happen to me. Also driving over bridges scare me cause I now they will collapse when I am on it....and on and on. sister you are not alone in the paranoia you have....are we related??? ;o)
ReplyDeleteYes, P, I think you might atleast be kindred spirits! I tried to tell you all at dinner the other night, that I think you are all very similar and I am a serious oddball!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are thinking of being ghosty peeped on! Only because Z used to wait outside the shower for me and one day he started talking about a man being out there with him. When I asked where the man went, he would say, "way up high." Now, what man, would be in my bathroom and would exit by going way up high?
You never know what is possible?!
As for the handwriting, I think I commented that I thought I was the only one in the family with such bad handwriting! I don't remember making fun of you!!!! I just thought it was a bit much that our brother has such great handwriting and we, the girls, are not so good with it!