Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I don't understand.

I don't understand God's plan for little Stellan. I don't understand why this innocent baby has had to suffer for days on end. I don't understand why, when hundreds, if not thousands, of people are praying on his behalf, God has not swooped in and healed this little boy. I don't understand why there are promises of healing in the Bible, yet when I stand on them in faith that God will heal little Stellan, he just keeps getting worse.

As of two hours ago, McMamma said Stellan had just slipped into prolonged V-Tach. This is what she and many others had been praying against. It is a very deadly arrhythmia. I simply don't understand. I want to learn something out of this because I know I am supposed to, but I am honestly too frustrated. I am frustrated that it is not as simple as saying, "God, heal this baby because you promised healing." I am frustrated I cannot fix this families pain and frustrations. I am frustrated for all the questions rolling through my mind.

It is moments like this, when the cycle of life is flipped completely upside down that I begin to feel ill at ease. I mean, aren't the elderly supposed to die to make room for new life? Isn't that how the cycle is supposed to go? Then why do people still lose their babies, mothers who carried the children, nourished them before and after birth, loved them with all their life, are losing their babies. Why?

Please continue to pray for the family as you feel led, and also pray for me as I need peace and understanding.

1 comment:

  1. You know as well as I do that God does not make things all cheerful and better because we want him to. We all wish it worked that way. It is so unfortunate that this baby and family are going through this! It takes me back to when Breonna was dying! We have been through this before. We don't know why and we don't like it and we don't get a choice. I am not trying to sound hard. I am just saying that our pleas are heard, but what we want is not always what is in the plans! I was praying for them as soon as I read your first blog! I wish there was more that could be done to help him!!! I hope this all works out for the best. I can not imagine losing a child. I am sorry that it is stressing you out! I don't know what else to say. I am sorry!